I’m BIG in China and Wondering Why

Posted on by under "Swamis" the novel, gopro shots on the Straits of Juan de Fuca, northwest surfing blog,, old surfers, real surfers, surf culture, writings of Erwin Dence

FIRST- I did go surfing recently, as in, possibly, today, a Saturday, and, before you ask; yes, it was crowded. It’s a Saturday! There was a search for view parking, and no handicapped spots out in the wilds; I had to invoke Costco rules, along with a Costco smile, when, circling, I hit the turn signals, pulled as close as I could to the van whose driver either super dawn patrolled or gave up, and snagged a front row spot. Yes, I squeezed up snuggly close to some dude’s SUV, allowing almost enough room for another, similar sized rig to share the thrill of looking out, directly, at an overcrowded lineup. Weekend Warriors and never-seem-to-work thirty-somethings, some of them couples, on dates. Wow!

Wow as in I should write about the first date Trish and I had, November 10, 1969. I took her to a then 2nd tier spot, allowing her the opportunity to watch me surf uncrowded waves, on to Grandview with a view from the bluff (at least two surfers tried to ‘make time’ with her, then on to gourmet food at the new Jack in the Box.

Yes, she has, mostly, gotten over the thrill of watching me.

And then, back to today, there were the older folks, some of them there, perhaps, to coach younger rippers-to-be. I was particularly interested in the guy with the straps over his wetsuit, there to hold his camera. Go pro, man! I did see him in the lineup. Hopefully he got some good shots of more than the deck of his board.

It wasn’t like I didn’t have some of the “know before you go” stuff going on. Not Surfline, which may have predicted head high bommmbs (didn’t happen), but friend of a friend stuff (allowed if the report is mostly a negative), but I was almost there when I got the news. Two fewer surfers in the water, few waves in the mid thigh range. Mid calf.

NOW, I got to go spend time surfing because TRISH is, finally, getting better. Better is relative, but part of what I take for truth is that she now realizes how close she was to (I hesitate to type this, and I’ve been equally hesitant to admit it) dying. SO, Yay! and Fuck Cancer!

I should note that, out of the water for several months, my first concern was that I would suck. I didn’t rip; didn’t suck; so, success! I did have two ugly attempts at getting back to shore. Normal. I’m kinda old, my knees seem older. 3.5 for the landing. 3.75 from the Canadian judge.

POST SURF REVIEW- I spoke with several friends about my adventure (and every session is), and the argument of crowds ruining sessions came up. The counter is surfers retelling tales of surfing quality waves alone, or with a few friends. Yeah; hang onto those. I do. OH, I did ask a woman parked near me if she got enough waves. She held up one finger. No, different finger. “Hope it was a good one.” “Wave of the day!” “Yay!

I did ask another woman, thinking I recognized her as the one who claims to have once grabbed my leash, if her oversized sprinter van was big enough. I didn’t hear what she responded with, but she may have raised one finger. ” Yeah, wave of the day!”

CHINA ISSUE- WORDPRESS keeps track, and I get a lot of hits, too many, from China. I can’t help but imagine that their Commie AI wants to decipher my writing style, possibly to duplicate it to infiltrate America, and then world surf literature. Joke’s on them. I could explain, but, meanwhile, I’m not unhappy to get semi-successful numbers.

Yes, I’m totally exaggerating, though I did have a guy in the lineup tell me he reads realsurfers. “Oh, you’re the one. Thanks. I’m popular in China.” “Cool. You had a lot of drop-ins.” “Yeah. People recognize a decent wave when I’m on it.” “China, huh?”

MEANWHILE, enjoy whatever surf adventure you’re on. If some old cruster gets a parking spot or a wave you wanted, well, part of your story. Costco rules apply.

JIM ALLRED is helping me put together a book of my work, “Love Songs for Cynics.” I have to come up with artwork (I have lots). I’ll keep you, and China, updated.

“SWAMIS,” my novel, is… still… almost… totally… done.

erwin@realsurfers.net realsurfersdotnet on Instagram

NOTE- I almost posted a photo that showed a part of the coastline on the Strait of Juan de Fuca. Lovely sunset, no waves, but, still, if it fell into the wrong hands…

There’s Always Westport

Posted on by under Competitive surfing,, northwest surfing blog,, oregon surfing, real surfers, surf contests, surf culture, writings of Erwin Dence

The contest season in the West-Northwest is over. Sort of. Maybe. Big wave stuff might be coming up, but what’s always happening is the day-to-day session stuff, surfers waiting, searching, ready to test ourselves against the conditions, the crowds, and our own desires to score.

Scoring, of course, means different things to different people. While some are looking to score, to dominate, even, some are content to be on a scene, part of the people hanging in the parking lot, on the bluff, on the beach, or in the lineup. There is, then, always Westport.

Wind-whipped and/or out of control huge, semi-lined up and groomed peaks, Westport is rarely flat, flat, flat. Along with Seaside, it’s a destination semi-surf town. When all the wave energy is from the south, it’s a choice.

No, though I often tell surf fans checking out the potential on the Strait to go to Westport, I’m not trying to sound like the tourist bureau. However, there is a tradition of Olympic Peninsula surfers heading down when it’s flat and/or if there was an unavoidably alluring southy. Surfers made friends with Seaside and Westport locals. Homes were opened for visits. There was some reciprocity.

I’m also not saying this aloha-esc sharing is over. Recently, my friend Keith Darrock headed down to hang with a friend in Westport the weekend of the longboard contest. Another trip had Keith hitting Oregon, hanging and surfing with friends he grew up with in Yachats. I asked him to send some photos.

Yeah; Westport. Dreamy, huh?

Keith’s crock in Seaside. I did hear some stories and saw some photos of surf in deeper Oregon, but was instructed not to publish them. Keith’s friends wouldn’t appreciate it. His friends. Keith did call me from the parking lot at Seaside Point on his way back. A local running out, gave him the kind of look regulars at any localized spot give interlopers.

Not aloha-esc. I don’t have any friends, exactly, in Seaside, but my father lived iin Chinook, Washington, close enough to be within an acceptable range (based on my being vibed, in the past, by a dude from Astoria), and my brother now owns tharinghe house. I keep telling my friends that we could cruise down, hit the Point. Could. Everyone appreciates sharing.

Sorry. Sarcasm; but, on one visit to my dad’s, after three days, actual locals were kind of, almost, friendly. Cove’s one thing; Point’s another.

Images of Seaside; one by me, one of me, one by my nephew, Fergus, who was threatened, then asked if he caught the surfer’s last ride, then allowed to leave. I must be thinking too much about Seaside. No, go to Westport, even if you’re from Seattle or, even, Canada.

MEANWHILE, I did watch some of a Challenger Series contest from Brazil. Still rooting for Sally Fiitzgibbons. She got into the semi-finals. Stephanie Gilmore wasn’t competing there, so we’ll see how the season ends for the holdovers from their generation. Interestingly, the contest on the women’s side ended with a sixteen-year-old winning over a, like, nineteen-year-old. Brutal. Or fun, depending onb your perspective.

Meanwhile, I am reciting or reading an excerpt from an original poem at an event in Port Townsend. It’s kind of an honor to be included. There are so many ways I can fuck this up. I’ll let you know.

erwin@realsurfers.net realsurfersdotnet on Instagram.

I do plan on writing about Instagram addction. Later. Thanks for checking out my site. Get some waves.

Surf Season Rumors and “Chip’s Perfect Ten”

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Every year it’s, like, “Yeah, Fall is the best season for waves on the Strait.” Then, “Yeah, Winter.” We are just into Fall and… from here, Winter looks promising. I don’t know. Does Westport get crowded?

I haven’t had a lot, or any real time to write. Doesn’t keep me ffrom thinking. Stories. I’ve plans for one that addresses surfers coached into competitive form.

I haven’t worked out all the details yet, but I’m thinking about the plot and characters, andm, as always, I’m looking forward, revisiting past experiences, to the next actual surf adventure in actual surf. Giid. kyucj. ti yiy (ingers on the wrong keys) Good luck to you.

erwin@realsurfers.net. realsurfersdotnet on Instagram

I will have news on the literary front and on the”Swamis” front… soon. Thanks.

If You Threw a Surf Contest and the Waves…

Posted on by under "Swamis" the novel, Competitive surfing,, hipster surfers, northwest surfing blog,, oregon surfing, real surfers, surf contests, surf culture, writings of Erwin Dence

…failed to show up.

Image from Trent Olson (or Olsen- didn’t go back to check) Facebook page. One dude (guessing, not being snarky) won’t pull up his wettie (Australian influenced jargon) until the water is genital level (I agree with this cold water adjustment strategy), the other dude don’t need no stinkin’ (and they usually are- with or without urinary help) booties, and, wait, are those both soft-tops? Wavestorming Cape Kawanda.

I have been critical of the spot in the past, one of the few places in the northwest with multiple web cams. But I have checked it out. Yes, I called it the ‘pull back’ capital, did remark on how (and this is typical of west coast beach breaks) the outside sets, mushy or not, closeout or not, lead one to the inside double-ups, most of them crashing closeouts. Yes, I have wondered why one weekend day there’s only a few adult learners jumping into the re-forms, getting thrashed, popping up prematurely, but still claiming victory for the relatives on the beach; and sometimes, same conditions, there’s hordes of heroes and villains vying for evrery three second ride.

Good Luck; I have to go; I’ll check back. Later.

I do have to go to work. erwin@realsurfers.net

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News on the literary front. Coming soon. You know, like the next swell.

Contest Season in the PNW and… Non-Intentional Drama

Posted on by under Competitive surfing,, northwest surfing blog,, real surfers, surf contests, surf culture, writings of Erwin Dence

It’s been a long while since I competed in any surf contest other than the de facto, any time it’s crowded, sessions. Yes, there are judges, always, the self judge being thhe one most susceptible to bribery and/or choosing sentimentality over reality. Speed, power, flow? Not always. Best two rides out of however many I could snag, steal, or even, have priority and etiquette on my side.

There are some Olympic Peninsula regulars (NOTE- Not all live here) who compete in these events. I should mention Z. I don’t know his actual name, and don’t think I’ve ever met him, but he delivers stuff for one off the non-Amazon companies in the Port Townsend area, and my friend, Keith Darrock, runs into him fairly frequently. He’s a past winner in his age category at Cape Kawanda (at least), and, most recently, told Keith he spent some time in the Mentawais, ‘practicing,’ or, as they say iin the WSL, ‘working.’ Yeah, Z’s fired up!

Keith is down in Westport, taking in the vibe. I have requested some photos. So far, I got texts saying Surf Route 101 was jammed, yesterday, the HAMA HAMA BANJO-RAMA also happening; and one saying a lot of Wavestorms were heading toward the coast. These events do have a bit of a circus flavor, not that the parking lot/bathroom-shower facility, bluff aren’t always a hotbed for kook-to-wannabes-to pissed off locals-to tourists snd posers. WHO DOESN’T LOVE A CIRCUS?

Hawaiian Brian, just after he won his division at Cape Kawanda last year. Or the year before. He did have his trophy with him, out onb the Strait… working.

Me, in the brownish hoodie, at the judges’ table a few years back. TOM BURNS got me the spot, and, because I judged rides as I saw them, and because I was loud, and because everyone except the head judge was having way too much fun, and despiite the fact I tried way harder on Sunday to behave and go along with the expected scoring, I was not invited back. Either was Tom, BUT, time and all, I do believe Tom is judging this weekend. I’m afraid to call and possibly disturb him.

A rented 40 FOOT LADDER was required to complete the stain job on this charming cottage: Taken just after I got off the roof (explaining the slight unevenness). There is a story about the high ladder woodworking I did to correct what high level woodpeckers damaged.

Can this tire be saved? There is a story involving a post Seahawks victory, late night blowout, a very steep spot where the car ended up, no phone coverage (luckily texts went through), the car falling off and wrecking the jack, another rescue from my daughter, Dru, and a successful switch to the temporary tire by ADAM WIPEOUT JAMES, the person I bought the car from, though, ater fixing the brakes he had no obligation to help.

It’s another in a long history of ERWIN BREAKS DOWN stories. When I told it to Librarian Keith, he was not properly impressed by the drama. He was checking the surf, it wasn’t exactly Alexander Dumas, or even Tom Clancy storytelling, and it doesn’t make me appear as anything other than kind of helpless, so… maybe later, maybe on the surf trip I promised Adam and included Keith. Wondering if I’ll have to find a new rim is keeping me… anxious.

I am working on some other stuff, and after a summer-long drought, and despite it still being painting season, it is raining. Is there hope for the wave pattern to switch? Yes. Why should California get all the waves?

erwin@realsurfers.net

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Thanks for checking out realsurfers.net Get some waves!

Summer Shadetree Mechanics and…

Posted on by under Uncategorized

This might be your view heading to the Olympic Peninsula to look for surf. For me, it’s heading home. Mid summer, the sun sets straight up the hill on the west side of the Hood Canal Bridge. It’s no longer mid-summer. Perhaps we are re-entering surf season, such as that is.

My house is under the sun

The image kept going sideways. I almmost resorted to using AI. It turns out I don’t know how. Forced to add the caption. Afraid not to.

Flipped again. Crazy.

One can never have too many ladders. Unfortunately, I need a forty footer to complete this project. The staggering is a trick I learned as a sign painter apprentice, years ago, from a guy who busted up his knees coming home drunk from somewhere. I would move one of the two ladders as he moved across the billboard. I wrecked mine the slower way, 57 years of crawling and climbing. It’s the job. I can’t blame surfing; wouldn’t if I could.

ADAM “WIIPEOUT” JAMES POST BRAKE JOB #1

ADAM “WIPEOUT” JAMES, poster boy for the HAMA HAMA SEAFOOD empire, helped me with the brakes on the WINDSTAR I bought from him. The previous owner was another surfer, CLINT THOMPSON, a legend among the folks at the Port Townsend Boatyard. I got a very good deal on the rig, but had to wait a while to get the title sorted. I did drive it a bit, owned rather than borrowed, before the brakes totally went out in the middle of Silvverdale.

I managed to drive it (carefully, but, having always owned old work rigs, I have driven with limited braking ability more than once) to my daughter’s house in Port Gamble. I did call Adam en route. NO, not hands free. “What broke?” “Well…”

“Maybe you just need fluid.” OKAY. I have some in the BIG BOY VAN. The problem is one has to take the cowling off the front of the van (or I thought this was necessary) to get to the brake fluid reservoir. I whipped out my ragtag assortment of tools and started stripping stuff off. I added 8 ounces, called Adam. “Pump it!” I pumped it. Called Adam. “Used it all up.” “It was thirsty!”

I tried to call him again. Straight to voicemail. “The mailbox is full. Goodbye.” I sent a text with a possibly sarcastic tone to it, saying I hoped I got my money’s worth out of the van, plus everything I had learned from the internet, YouTube; and said I had almost asked chatGPT. I got a text back, later. from Adam. “Those are the breaks.” Brakes.

Believing I had used up all my brakeless driving karma, and feeling very reluctant to drive the van down Surf Route 101, we discussed other options. All this is with me saying, because it’s true, that Adam did not owe me anything, and I could get the van towed to Les Schwab.

There is way more to this story. Let’s call this PART I.

I JUST REALIZED I cut off Adam’s head. Not on purpose. I think, with my new phone, I have to send photos less than full sized to not have the problems. Anyway, I’m leaving it. Them’s the breaks. OH, don’t get me wrong. I am so pleased that Adammm helped me with the Clintmobile (Reggie has another name for the van- ask him), AND with the Highlander. PART II.

THE PLAN IS I will drive on an upcoming surf trip AND treat Adam to a post surf lunch or dinner at his choice of PA spots. I would be stoked. I mean, I will be.

Here’s a serious-ish poem I’m working on.

TOO LATE FOR THAT

I move at all; I will have to admit I am awake. If I look up at the time, projected in red on the ceiling, I will have to admit I am late. Already. Early sneaks away. Late charges. I don’t want to be awake. Not yet. Soon. Too soon.

If my brain hadn’t already awakened, ticker tape clicking from worry to worry, I could go back to sleep; fifteen minutes to make up for lost sleep at 3:18. Too late.

If I slide and twist and drop my feet to the ground; if I pull back the blackout curtains, the outside will still be pre-dawn dark; wet, a watercolor wash blurring the trees, the brush, the dead van sinking into the lawn gone feral.

The brilliance will break through soon. Too soon. 

I am moving, following, not chasing, the early, blinking in the brilliance.

If I hurry…

Dragons and Swamis in three point perspective

Posted on by under "Swamis" the novel, Erwin Dence illustrations, northwest surfing blog,, real surfers, surf art, surf fiction, surf illustrations, surf novels, Uncategorized, writings of Erwin Dence

NOTE- I have added a hopefully finished version of “SWAMIS,” CHAPTER 2, on PAGE IV. Also… PAGE VI, selected, previously posted, original illustrations, is now up to and including works from 2017. Scroll at your leisure. Or now.

Some things…

…don’t turn out the way we plan. Or, more like it, nothing turns out the way we envision. I have kind of given up on explaining any thought process, but… I did the lettering first on the ‘Swamis’ nevver going to be a cover drawing. It’s too overbearing, but, after I completed it, I showed it to my daughter, Dru. “It’s, like, three point perspective. See? The lettering, the ‘Magic,’ and the ‘Swamis,’ and the surfer.” “Oh, I didn’t notice the surfer at first.” “Right. The… layout, the arrangement… makes your eyes move from… I dropped Design class in college, like, three times. We were supposed to do something with three point perspective, and mine, probably the best, technically, was in, according to the professor… older woman… four point.” “Was she right?” “Sure.”

The ‘dragons’ drawing: I wanted to do something with a better rendered dragon, possibly slithering in a lined-up wave. I didn’t love the way it was going. This is the way it went, kind off in the spray and foam. As far as perspective… how would I know? Mine, I guess.

It’s not, necessarily, my plan to do color versions of illustrations that I intend to package as a coloring book, but I couldn’t help but provide a… version. The “Magic” drawing was colored with pens rather than pencils. Yeah, me explaining.

“Swamis” Update- As far as actually working on tightening the novel, I have excuses. Time and fear are the main ones. A third? Let’s say perspective.

Surf Report: Pretty bleak summer on the Strait, surf-wise. Yeah. Go coastal!

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NO AI USED on illustrations or, obviously, written content. Copyright protected. All rights reserved by Erwin A. Dence, Jr.

the next time I surf…

Posted on by under "New Yorker" cartoon submissions, Erwin Dence Cartoons, Erwin Dence illustrations, northwest surfing blog,, old surfers, Original Erwin, real surfers, realsurfers illustrations, writings of Erwin Dence

…I plan on wailing.

As I always plan on… wailing.

I just got to January of 2017 in posting most (not all) of my illustrations posted on realsurfers, starting at 2013, heading toward now. Maybe because I hit the last fourth of a century tomorrow, I thought I might put this back up. Although my own pen-and-ink drawing style was most inspired by work by RICK GRIFFIN, it has been more often compared to drawings by R. Crumb.

Yes, I was trying to break into the rarified company of NEW YORKER cartoonists. It didn’t work. Their loss. It took some some sleuthing to get an address, some nerve to make the request. I was an am pretty dang (could have said ‘fuckin”) stoked that I got a positive, and properly sardonic response.

Thanks, Robert Crumb.

“Yes, there’s “in” someone’s pocket, and “IN someone’s pocket.”

No, I don’t get it; hhoped the New Yorker snobs would. Their loss; oh, and perhaps this was my ‘green period’ of black and white pen and ink.

erwin@realsurfers.net

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If you’re planning on surfing, always plan on wailing!

All original illustrations and other original content protected by copyright, all rights reserved by Erwin A. Dence, Jr. Thanks!

SUMMERTIME, AND THHE LIVING IS…

Posted on by under "Swamis" the novel, Erwin Dence illustrations, northwest surfing blog,, old surfers, real surfers, writings of Erwin Dence

EASY? Maybe. Sometimes summertime is busy; I have a lot going on. I’m sure you do, also. Part of my frustration is just trying to get some of my work (real job, painting contractor in the limited season in the Great Northwest) done. More work, less time… frustrating. Not haviing the tine to go into detail here, writing being one of my joys (surfing- yes and no, no time to go all the way to the coast.

Dru and I have been trying to take care of Trish during her sloooow recovery from the aftereffects of chemo and radiation. Trish has turned a corner; she’s getting stronger; less chemo fog; but she is still limited in mobility. She can’t be left alone for extended periods. And shouldn’t be.

While I’m trying to finish jobs, Dru is in the middle of the CONCERT season for the OLYMPIC MUSIC FESTIVAL. Not sure what her official title in running the non-music part of the non-profit is, but… Example- She worked until 11:30 PM last night, and had to be back in Port Townsend by 7:50 AM to open the WHEELER THEATRE at FORT WORDEN for the piano tuner. Concert this afternoon. Paper work until… Same schedule tomorrow.

Some of the musical activities take place at ARCADIA, just out of town. This is one of few remaining serigraphs I did of the venue, back in the late 1980s. I found it and some other prints in the attic a few years ago. I’m posting it here so Dru can show… whoever.

I have to go. Hope you’re surfing, hanging, bobbing in the water; enjoying summer.

I will update from the tablet. Later. Oh, and it’s my birthday on Monday. 40th anniversary of turning 35.

Them There Awful CALIFORNIANS

Posted on by under northwest surfing blog,, old surfers, Port townsend surfing, real surfers, surf satire, writings of Erwin Dence

SATURDAY UPDATE: Not all writers and/or artists are anal retentive. Some might be the opposite (anal explosive, I’ve been told- kind of believe it). And while I’m thinking about it, the opposite of PHALLIC symbolism in art and architecture and billionaires’ private spacecraft; and I have noticed this in art and in “Lord of the Rings,” is, I’m informed, by various sources on the internet, YONIC. References the womb. I didn’t get too investigative. Okay, but, years ago, an artist whose work was totally not phallic, told me it was VAGINAL. All this time, I was fine with that.

All that aside, my stuff, particularly on PAGE III, Serious Writing, is mostly written on-site rather than on Microsoft Word, and even if it originally was, I can’t help going back over it, refining, editing. YES, this explains something about my novel, “SWAMIS,” the anal retentive part being how difficult it is to delete something that I believe is kind of decent.

I have a new piece, part of my occasional dream diaries, and I’ve made changes to two pieces on PAGE III: “Between the Walls of Trees,” a short short story, and “Into the Void,” a poem/song. Since I’m stuck on differences, I usually develop songs while driving; repeating one verse, adding others in. Because of this process, I remember the words better than something I write on the computer. BUT THEN, I want the piece to make sense and have a certain flow. Retentive.

Update complete for now.

SEVERAL FRIENDS hepped me to this; it’s a screen grab from this guy, R. Jesus Delacruz (translates to ‘of the cruz’), evidently talking some shit about Port Townsend folks. Not that I don’t. Nothing too serious from me. But, yes, folks selling a mid-priced hone in CA and buying a McMansion here is kind of erksome.

Not sure if he focused on me, or if I was just part of a pan, left or right, but…this was taken at the SAVE THE WAVES event in which a short film, “ERWIN” (available for viewing on the ‘about’ page), was being aired as part of a worldwide tour.

Doesn’t mean I am not from California. I AM A REFUGEE. Of sorts. Sold a house in San Diego in 1978, moved to Quilcene. Two of my three children were born in Port Townsend. Not sure when or where Mr. Delacruz was born, and don’t care.

ALSO, while trying to shed any vestiges of my California-ness, I’m not trying to get him more coverage.

Got to go. Work to do in Port Townsend for folks who are from somewhere else, but not from California. No, no; again; don’t care.

erwin@realsurfers.net

Occasionally I post on Instagram. More often I comment on other people’s posts. Can’t help it. Need counseling. It’s just… putting emojis isn’t, like, much more meaningful than hitting the heart symbol. It’s realsurfersdotnet.

Great weekend for hanging on the beach, any beach, trying to will a swell. Good luck, and thanks for checking out my humbled blog.