Monthly Archives: June 2025

Casualty of the Cool and Casual, and a Haiku or 2

Posted on by under northwest surfing, old surfers, real surfers, surf culture, surfing satire, surfing stories, writings of Erwin Dence

I was thinking, yesterday, about casualness; specifically, about whether I have ever been casual about surfing. Maybe not. If casualness is being cool, that being something like indifferent; the answer is probably no. The closest I have come is deciding whether I want to paddle out in questionable conditions. If the conditions are even moderately surfable, and the options are getting skunked or trying to find somewhere else that might be marginally better, I have, historically (and it’s a long history) paddled out. Once in the water, my attitude has always been to surf as well as I am able.

Sometimes there is no decision. I have to go out. There is no way I’m not paddling out.

Because my love, respect, and a certain level of fear of waves has not diminished, I approach each session with anticipation, always hoping to get a wave or waves that offer that unmistakable level of thrill, those moments of barely controled weightlessness in a heavy, uncontrollable world.  Maybe it’s making a wave I shouldn’t have made, the lip hitting me as I was driving across the face, and somehow, I didn’t just crash. Whatever the moment is, or the moments are, I still want to be cool about it. Casual.  

Back to yesterday. I had a job to finish, and I’d spent some time writing, conscious of how much work I had and how much time I was willing to spend before I was scheduled to meet a possible client about a possible project. I took off, chatting on the phone with my daughter, Dru, about behind the scenes stuff concerning the movie, “Nosferatu,” which she had seen, alone, practically, in a theater, and I had screened the night before. Less than a mile away, a not-unfamiliar whump-whumping made me check my tires. Yep. Cruise back home, take the tire off, drop it off at Les Schwab. Should be quick.

It wasn’t. I am not a stranger to flat tires, or to changing them. Using the jack from my work van, I got the tire off. Because I had to shift gear to the van, I reached into the front seat. That’s when, because I was so casual that I didn’t believe I had to block the wheels…

Minor setback. I was able to get the jack out, lower it (slow process), block the tires (like, both front tires, blocks on both sides of each), get the back axle off the ground.

Shouldn’t have been THAT casual.

This, sadly, isn’t the first time I was irresponsibly casual about changing tires. Possibly inspired by the father in “A Christmas Story,” I once changed a tire in record time on a small pickup while Trish was watching. I think we were actually talking about the movie as I did the job. The next morning, leaving at the last minute to meet the vanpool to my job at the shipyard, a mile or so from home, I noticed a certain weirdness in the way the truck handled. I thought or said, “Probably forgot to tighten the lug nuts when the truck was lowered. Probably okay.”

Going down the last hill, my turn to the park and ride lot on my left and the van coming up to the stop sign, my back left tire came rolling up beside me as the axle hit the pavement, sparks flying, and all I could think of as I screeched and slid to a stop was, “I pretty much have control.”

A car pulled alongside me as I jumped out. A fairly freaked-out passenger asked, “Hey, are you all right?” “Yeah,” I said, “I gotta make that vanpool.”

I couldn’t, of course. And the only other vanpooler who lived in Quilcene was, not unsurprisingly, given the pre-dawn light show, reluctant to let me borrow his car.

It all worked out pretty well yesterday. There was a record lack of crowd at Les Schwab, and I was able to get my tire replaced quickly. It had a square drive screw in it, but… note… any driving on a pretty flat tire will ruin the sidewalls. I should remember that. As for the other incident, the truck required a replacement half-axle. ‘Dirty’ John McKinley (I didn’t give him the nickname) asked how it was I didn’t lose control and crash. “Lucky?” “Yeah. Lucky.”

HAIKU- I’ve been, in my attempt to fool other into believing I’m some sort of poet, been writing some Haiku (I believe Haiku is both singular and plural- don’t quote me). Enough so that I’m starting to think in five, seven, five syllable patterns. So, it is only natural that I write a few about surf spots.

REMEMBER, YOU can write to realsurfers, or submit your own story at erwin@realsurfers.net

Haiku for You- A few surf spots I would never blow up and a couple that are already blown

Cape Kiwanda-

Beachwalkers walking… There are multiple web cams… The empty waves roll.

Boats crash through the waves… Portland rippers are elsewhere… Short Sands or Seaside?

Short Sands or Seaside? Okay, Seaside-

The Cove, not the Point… You…get out of my lineup… I’ll kill for this wave.

Westport- 

You see my new board?… Got it custom, so special… It cost more than your car.

I learned to surf here… Jumping into the reforms… I’m an enforcer.

Friends left me stranded… Need a ride to Lake Union… Yes, Fremont’s okay

Sort of secret spot(s) on the Strait and/or the Northern Coast-

You claim there are waves… Is this the only way in?… Can’t be worth the hike

I know that I rip… I once made a long wave here… So, now it’s my spot

The parking lot’s full… So, the waves must be pumping… Can you drop me off?

There almost are waves… There are tourists a’plenty… Watch out for dog shit

I love the vibe here… Great brunches and campfires… And sometimes I surf

Locals aren’t friendly… With a tough reputation… I got a nod once

The surf’s always flat… The ferry waits are brutal… And gas isn’t free

Joe Roper Rules Kearney Mesa, Drop me a line at erwin@realsurfers.net, Please, and Not a Meme! Especially not THAT Meme!

Posted on by under aggressive surfers, classic surfboards, northwest surfing, old surfers, real surfers, surf adventures, surf culture, surf satire, surf sessions, surfing Southern California in the 60s, writings of Erwin Dence

“This calls for an investigation;” a man claiming to be from Lindell TV told her viewers; “People are posting scurrilous images of our Vice President, Jon Doe Vance, son, we now believe, and contrary to his own biography, Paddy ‘Loan’ Vance; and this cannot be tolerated in this here United States. If you cannot respect the man, respect the office; at least as much as our much maligned president, a true leader truly beloved by all the rightest, brightest, shiniest people, does.”

Now, it’s not like I even know how to watch the channel put out by My Pillow guy, loser in a multitude of defamation lawsuits. I was hepped to this by someone… Can’t reveal source. Seems like fun to me; the pillow guy, alternating between hugging and crying into his pillows made (using the Colonel Sanders playbook) by poor and desperate American widows. Maga Mike and the guy with some alleged ties to advanced couch… surfing (?) Alleged. But, NO, this might even be a conspiracy designed by secret cat lovers, unwed and otherwise. You know the type. I mean, yes, there are at least two illustrations of cats in the background. AND a wolf. Wolf? Russia? Yeah. Maybe it’s a coyote. Mexico?

After careful analysis, it seems like my nose is larger. And redder. If it’s Hegseth Red, it’s coincidental. Sunburn in my case. BUT, maybe with a little Maybelline, some botox, a bit of the Kristi Noem line of Revlon lip gloss, and… As our leader would say, backed up by the man most responsible for his very presence everywhere we look (make you own list: Include McConnell), I should just fucking get over it.

OKAY. Over it.

I saw a thing on YouTube about JOE ROPER celebrating fifty years as the preeminent ding repair guru in the San Diego area. Because I can’t help myself, while waiting for the ads that precede most videos to end, I check out the comments. The second one from about a guy who was mercilessly and purposefully slammed by Joe’s board and told to go back to Clairemont (maybe Joe called it ‘kookmont’ or ‘Shitmont’). The purpose was to dissuade non-locals, and the victim seemed to kind. of understand that, despite Clairemont Mesa being just over I-5 and way less than five miles from Pacific Beach.

I have a few connections to Joe Roper. I lived in Pacific Beach, very very close to Tourmaline Canyon Surf Park, from November, 1971, until the spring of 1973. I was twenty, Joe was probably 15, and he was one of the only surfers, back in my city surfing days, during which I developed my ‘ghetto mentality,’ whose name I knew; mostly because he was a standout surfer, and partially because I witnessed several incidents very similar to the one described in the comments. I did ask him why he full-board-to-the-full-body slammed the surfer in the shorebreak. You know the answer.

In a case of poor editing, let me now jump to the possibly ironic fact that the ding repair business that is celebrating fifty years in business is located beyond Clairemont Mesa. Next mesa over, Kearney Mesa, east of I-5 and ‘the’ 805. Not that I care.

I wrote several pieces for realsurfers on Mr. Roper. One was that he surfed Crystal Pier like it was Pipeline. Totally true. That he became a known name at Pipeline was not a fluke, though I was surprised, after a few years of living up the way, University City (slightly inland) and Encinitas (both east of I-5), when I saw Joe, in a Gordon and Smith ad, at Pipeline.

Another, even more tenuous connection, is that I have run into two other surfers who knew Joe. BIG DAVE RING was part of the ‘pier rats’ group Joe was a part of, if not the leader of. CHRIS BAUER, now building quality surfboards on the North Olympic Peninsula, got his start working for Mr. Roper. “All he let me do when I started was sand,” Chris told me. When I started telling my stories, Chris had to remind me that he and I are of different generations. “Yeah. I get it.”

This is kind of a quickie posting. I’m working on several other pieces for the bigger deal on Sunday. Topic: Casual Surfing; Myth or Fantasy?

I hope you’re doing some surfing, casual or intense. Thanks for checking out realsurfers.

erwin@realsurfers.net

Other People’s Surf Stories and…

Posted on by under Uncategorized

rrosurf session ealsurfers.net now has a dedicated email location. Not surprisingly, it’s erwin@realsurfers.net This gives you an opportunity to send your comments, good or, like, really good. It isn’t as if I’m out of stories, and every surf session, every surf trip is another opportunity. Still, it is obvious that I’m chronicling an objectively fickle little zone in a world of surf spots, and I have a limited number of close surf friends, and that I’m further limited in what I can write about by a host of self-centered and perfectly logical restrictions on what spots I can mention, and whether any of these unnamed destinations might ever have decent waves.

YES, I have tales yet untold from the last century; with less crowded waves, possibly more colorful characters, and yes, there is the drawing and the endlessly unfinished novel (“Swamis,” as a reminder), BUT, allow yourself the opportunity to have something published; your art, your story, your pithy and well-formed critique, or your clever commentary on anything related to surf culture. OR you can just write something like, “Hey, dude, you would have loved the session you missed at ______ the other day.” Feel free to blow up any spot not on the Olympic Peninsula, so… Ocean Shores south. No, you should think before you, you know, sell out somewhere you might want to surf again… but Westport is fair game.

AND, as a bonus, if having tens of readers from all over the world skim over or dive into your work isn’t enough, you can get a share of the money I take in (which is, so far, nothing- I have no control over those ads). So far. Note: When I had a poem (edited) in “Surfer” in 1968, I received $10 and a copy of the magazine. I have neither at this point, BUT once YOU’RE on the big web… Oh, yeah; fame will stck to you like something between a groovy tan and a bad sunburn. Still, better than a rash. Not that I know. I’m… guessing.

I’ll be checking my mail, erwin@realsurfers.net I’m not yet swamped. I’ll probably write back.

Images by Keith Darrock, who cruised down to Westport to hang with a friend from high school, caught some beach break waves, and broke his toe in a bicycle mishap. This didn’t totally curtail Keith’s surfing; boogie board and using his smallest board as a kneeboard (three uses of the word ‘board’ in one sentence- now four) is taking up some of the slack.

SAY- Surf injuries; another possible subject.

Adam Wipeout recently (vague) went up to help Soupy Dan build out this trailer. Since they were by the water… accidental score. Sure. Accidental? Or one of those times when all the plan works out? SIDE NOTE” That orange-ish board is on permanent loan to Adam after/while on permanent loan to me from Atsushi “Archie: Endo, he on longterm loan to Thailand.

The Ballad of Joey and Tony (Joey is in the photo, above)

I should tell the version I spewed, rapidly, while holding up the line at the Pet Smart, Trish on the cell phone giving the clerk the information on how they, according to their website, had a ninety-nine-dollar cat tree available for pickup. Simultaneously, the next person told me Costco has cat trees. “Thanks.” Getting the phone back, I said, “Trish. Costco…” “Fine.”

So:

“I’m not really a cat person. My wife is. We always had cats. The last one died… But these other two cats showed up in our driveway. We thought it was one cat. We’ve gotten other cats this way. Feral. Abandoned. Some of each. People… have you heard of this? People get these cats, get them neutered, then, snip off the end on one ear, and, like it’s kind or something, they let them go. We had a cat lady who lived nearby. But… it’s Quilcene. Dangerous. We’ve had bears… Once we had a cougar kill a raccoon… right in front of our Ring camera. So… Tony, the friendly one… I put a heat lamp in the mud room in the winter. Eventually, he became an indoor/outdoor cat.“

But the other one, Joey… we gave them androgenous names… I never could get close to Joey until, the other morning, he was out where I put the food. Dead.”

“Oh, my.”

“Except… he wasn’t. Tony, and they had to be related, he was scared shitless. After an hour or so, I go out in the mudroom with a cup of coffee, ready… And… he moved.”

“Moved?”

“Moved. I took him to the vet. Had to. He had come to us for help.”

“Did they help him?”

“No. I don’t know what I thought they could do. Adrenaline. Something.”

At about this time, another cashier showed up to open another register. My cashier tallied the treats and toys an inside cat might need. I paid, picked up the bag. The woman with the Costco suggestion moved her stuff up. I turned back.

“I told the people at the vets that I was practical enough to have put a shovel in my car.” I took two more steps. “What’s… something, something that still bothers me. A couple of people gave me shit for paying for a cat’s… you know, paying, when Joey wasn’t my cat.”

The woman just nodded. “Costco? Okay,” I said.

Tony? He’s… adapting.

I am working on some poetry. Yes, the acceptably pretentious kind… Except, I can’t seem to stay within the boundaries. I wanted to post something I’ve been working on, two poetry adjacent pieces. I opted to put out the more quickly written and not as precious story about Joey and Tony. No, a bit more refining. As a warning, I took the HAIKU format, and wrote five related, uh, haikus. One story. I did and I am still considering writing some sort of chorus. We’ll see.

Thanks, as always, for checking out realsurfers.net. I look forward to hearing from you. Meanwhile, hit some waves when you can!

No Comments, Parades, Waves, and the Fun Car Abides… Still… WAIT, new way to Comment

Posted on by under Erwin Dence illustrations, northwest surfing, old surfers, real surfers, surf stories, writings of Erwin Dence

I signed up for an email account through Word Press. I tried it out, it seems to work. I can now be contacted by writing to erwin@realsurfers.net. Yeah, I guess that means I’ll kind of know who is sending me the love… or whatever. And yes, I can take criticism. Sort of. And no, I can’t really reveal when or where I’ve surfed recently. Still, I am open to publishing surf stories by others. And I have. Give it a shot when you get a chance. I’m actually pretty excited about this.

OOPS, I googled “Big parade yesterday.” Kim Jong Un, “Little Rocket Man,” may or may not have sent a message to his US counterpart; congratulatory or otherwise. I was actually not going to participate in the “No Kings” demonstration in Port Townsend yesterday (not PT in the photo), the deal set for the polite hours, noon to one, designed not to interrupt coffee, brunch, with lunch delayed, BUT, because I doddled and dilly-dallied, watching just ‘one more heat’ at the Big Show WSL event at Lower Trestles, and because I had to buy some stuff before going to a job, I got stuck driving past the early arrivers, and, because I said I might do this, I drove past the folks, mostly in my age demographic, lining both sides of Sims Way. AND, yes, I honked. And waved. Some anti-fascism, pro-rule-of-law, pro-democracy people may have noticed the beat to “Louie, Louie.”

Anyway, sorry Donny, that your party pooped out. Kind of surprised you didn’t wear some sort of uniform. Maybe you did. Nice of all the ‘suckers and losers’ to march on by. Not like Miss America contestants, but… I would have considered checking it out, but… no; I was busy. I am a bit curious about the size and shape of the cake.

ROY, THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB.

THE FUN CAR survives another scare. I had a ‘crank, no start’ episode that coincided with an oil leak from the 1994 940 Volvo wagon’s crank case. Mysterious. I fooled around with the wiring, pulling things off things, putting them back on. I called my mechanic friend, George Takamoto, no longer working on rigs because he has dialysis three times a week (though, good news, he is scheduled to go the University of Washington hospital soon with the hope of getting on the transplant list), from the counter at Napa Auto Parts. I had already bought a replacement coil from O’Reilly, whose motto should be, “Our parts are shitty, but we’ll replace them when they fail,” but was checking whether Napa had a Bosch part like the coil I’d taken off (because it was easily done and because I, somehow, trust Bosch more than O’Reilly. George was against wasting my money, suggested I get an electrical probe. I did. Less than four bucks.

I went back to the job where the fun car had failed to start, put the old Bosch back in with the help of the guy who was receiving all the furniture the next day for the house. The fun car was a blockage. It didn’t start. I left, checked out the possibility of surf sort of nearby, came back, and, in yet another miracle, it started right up. AND, knock on wood, it’s started every time since.

My daughter, Dru, asked me what I want for Fathers’ Day. Well, because my car is still stuck in Port Townsend, and because I am petrified to even attempt anything mechanical, and because she works across the street from a shop that worked on Volvos, and usually parks in front of it, I asked her if she ever sees people there. The rumor is that it’s only open two days a week or so. Because I had to give Dru some items that came to my house, I checked the place out, opened the door, and met Roy. Because it was a Volvo of a certain age, and because Roy had genuine Volvo gaskets around, and because I agreed to talk more softly, he agreed to replace the gasket.

I found a reason to come back the next day. The job was almost done. A buddy of Roy’s, Paul, who works on tugboats, was hanging out. It all would have been easier if I hadn’t asked Roy to replace the existing, blown head gasket surviving (thanks to Adam Wipeout) spark plugs with new one I had purchased but not installed because YouTube said it might be tricky. I gave up when the first one didn’t want to come out. SO, of course, the plug hardest to get to caused problems. Cursing, a prerequisite of wrenching, ensued. This tool, that trick… success!

SURF STUFF- I believe it’s only the second time I drove my big boy work van out to the Strait. I was that desperate. Damn the expense, I need waves! I may have gotten a few. Or a few more. And then…? And now, the Volvo’s (knocking on more wood) back. ALSO, I was a bit surprised to see Yago Dora and Betty Lou Sakura Johnson prevailing over the locals at Trestles. I did watch some of the early action, and post-watched a few recaps. What I didn’t do, but frequently do, is check out the comments, see who was under or over-scored, all that stuff.

SPEAKING OF COMMENTS, I got one from a guy with his own site, possibly drawn to realsurfers because I got a tiny bit political. He asked me to check his site. I did. He asked me to comment. I tried. I stopped the process when Word Press wanted my email address and, maybe I’m wrong, my password. NO; it’s not worth it. I do get some feedback, mostly at the beach or in the lineup, often directed at some one else. “Is that the guy who posts all kinds of stuff about spots on the Strait?” No. Which really means, ‘not any more.’ Learned that lesson.

It is painting season, and I haven’t had much time for drawing. I did this while waiting for my wife, Trish, at a doctor’s office. Sketch, meant to go along with my song, “Between Alone and Lonely.”

BECAUSE KEITH DARROCK’S MOM sent him a passport photo of Keith’s dad at 31 year old; and because I worked with JOEL CARBEN, and because I have this photo of my father from about the time I was born, and because it’s Fathers’ Day… some photos.

Because Chris Eardley said he would love to see a photo of me with hair and without a mustache, here is one of Trish and me from 1969. Or 1970. My or her Senior Prom. I could be wrong. I’ll ask Trish.

Incidentally, because I am usually one of the oldest surfers at any session, and because I have a damaged or lack of a filter, I too-frequently ask other surfers how old they are. “Whoa; you look way older.” This doesn’t get a great response, but I do follow up with, “Makes me wonder how the fuck old I look.” Most surfers are too polite to answer honestly.

Happy survived yesterday day. Thanks for checking out realsurfers.

No Kings Day…

Posted on by under Uncategorized

NO KINGS!

Shit’s happening. Parades and demonstrations, legislators and their spouses shot in Wisconsin, soldiers in the streets, tension levels spiking… Oh, yeah, and the contest is on at Trestles, tomorrow is fathers’ day, and I am trying to decide between panic and that pathetically sad rationalization that, some…

…some crazed asshole assassinating democrats is better, somehow, than the targets being people on the maga side of normal. What would the reaction be to that? Guaranteed screaming of, “See? See what we say about those radicals on the left?”

Is political murder in any way just? Of course not. Are there people happy to push the fear level up among those who worry about grifts and the blatant abuse of power, about the push and the slide toward control by fear? Sure.

Demonstrations are theater. Murder is murder.

Because I thought my biggest self debate today would be between whether I should watch surfing or go to Port Townsend to work and, perhaps, participate in the demonstration by, mostly, older Americans. I do, also, have work in town. So…

I turned off the WSL. I will let you know how it goes.

Also… Does the murderer believe he might just get a pardon?

In a Corner with Sally Fitzgibbons and Other Stuff Concerning Competition

Posted on by under aggressive surfers, Competitive surfing,, northwest surfing, old surfers, real surfers, surf addiction, surf contests, surf culture, surf satire, surfing, surfing blogs, surfing Southern California in the 60s, surfing stories, writings of Erwin Dence

photo from Facebook after Sally’s second place finish at the Burton Automotive Newcastle Surffest.

I’ve written a bit on how I’ve been rooting for Sally Fitzgibbons lately. It’s not all that important to me; and it isn’t like I should feel too bad about one of the most successful female surfers ever falling off the big tour, again, and having to fight her way back again. But, it’s a story. “I didn’t know I had that many tears to cry” is a quote I heard repeated in the broadcast. Is Sally a nice person? Supposedly. Is JOB as nice as he presents himself? I’ve heard otherwise. Is JJF on tour, or Steph? Or Gabriel? Have I rooted for Kelly while realizing he might be the ultimate sellout? Okay; no, I take that back. Did I root for nepo-surfer Kalohe? Or Cola bros study-to-the-test surf robots? How about gymnast-surfers?

Yes, no, sort of; hey, I’m just being realistic. Still, I was on a painting project yesterday for surfer/realtor Joel Carben, and I was aware I was missing finals day on the YouTube on the big screen at my house. “Oh, so you’d skip making money to watch a Challenger Series contest in Australia?” “We’re not talking that much money, Joel, and anyway, how many times have you skipped out on surf you know is happening to make money?” Joel was satisfied with the answer. I checked on my phone. Sally had won the quarter final heat. “Okay, another hour.”

The Big Show contest at Trestles starts tomorrow. Will I be rooting for Gaby? Probably not. Caty or that girl who claims she’s from Canada. Both have Oceanside connections. Jordy? Yes. Or… we’ll see how it plays out. I don’t have to watch it live. Work. Or, maybe, surf.

NOTE: Today (or so) marks my having survived 56 years as a painter. Trish doesn’t count my time as a sign painter’s apprentice, but I do. As I was telling Joel, if you can think of something I haven’t painted, let me know.

I have written several things lately. I might have to post them separately. BUT, here’s something I wrote because of my conversations while working with Joel, who, incidentally, is very proud to have participated in an invitational pro/am contest at Huntington Pier in the nineties. He is perfectly willing to list all the famous surfers and musicians he was among, and stoked to retell every detail of a ride that got him I (if I remember correctly) a 7.5.

Joel Carben (not Carbon- “I’m not an element.” “Oh, but… aren’t you?) representing the Northwest back on the East Coast

Competitive? Mindset or Personality Disorder? Like, How Would I Know?

My friend and my first surf co-conspirator not a member of my family, Phillip C. Harper, alerted me to the opportunity to participate in a high school contest sponsored by KGB (radio station) and the Windansea Surf Club, I instantly agreed. It was 1968, I was a junior at Fallbrook (20 miles inland, as the road winds), and had been riding actual surfboards for almost three years. So, sure, why not?

None of my contemporaries who had started surfing in the meantime joined in. Or even thought it was a good idea. Or even wanted to go to San Diego to watch. I ended up talking Donn Fransith(sp?) into driving me the first day, two girls going along (Bill Buel’s cousin and a girl whose name I’ve forgotten), neither because I was so cool. This is a hint: I drove myself the second day.

So, obviously I was masochistic and/or delusional, setting myself up for humiliation, defeat, and, by extension, not doing any other surfers from Fallbrook High any favors.

It isn’t as if I was overly or crazily competitive at any other sports. I didn’t have a shot for basketball, was afraid of the ball in football (freshman, fourth string replacement), wasn’t fast enough for track and field, didn’t want to wear bunhugger trunks or do the breaststroke the way the coach insisted it was to be done (and he was right). I did go out for wrestling. I had the moves, didn’t execute them on the mat with enough aggression.

Oh. Aggression.

I was, by the time I was a senior, aggressive enough at sports to hit or hip-check an opponent. Still not a great wrestler, I did earn a JV letter as a senior. Never collected it, never wore a lettermen’s jacket. Didn’t deserve to.

But surfing; that was different. It so quickly became a crucial part of my self-image. Not cool enough, being one of the few (most in my family) Seventh Day Adventists in my school had long set my position as (there’s a scale, and a variety of other categories) an outsider.

I was, mostly, accustomed to this position. No, I hadn’t been invited to Susie’s birthday party in the fourth grade, and that hurt… but being an outsider (and yes, everyone’s an outsider somewhere) offers some amount of freedom, socially, and may (may) have contributed to my overall sarcastic nature.

Different subject, perhaps; but it is worth mentioning that once I was in with other surfer wannabes, I felt the need to dress the part. “No, Mom, I need Levis and a nylon windbreaker; my friends say you dress me like a golfer.” “And if your friends think you should jump off a cliff?” “Thinking.”

What was important to me was that I surfed better than the guys who started after I did. In fact, from my earliest sessions, kooking it up at Tamarack, I would run fake heats; fifteen minutes, three to five waves.  I would ask my sister, Suellen, where I ranked in the lineup: Third best out of five? I did the same thing with my Fallbrook surf friends. Wherever I was ranked, I wanted to do better.

Better?

It doesn’t take long for anyone taking up surfing to realize it isn’t always easy, that even pretty good rides are hard to come by, that there’s always someone who surfs better than you do, and that the ocean wins. Already feeling apologetic for this level of introspection, I have to say that my desire to be better was not (just and/or only) to be better than other surfers, but to improve. Trial and error, wave knowledge, wave count, experience.

Still, some of my least satisfying surf sessions involved my being angry with myself, or the conditions, or the crowd, but mostly with my not living up to my own expectations.

Ridiculous.

My most satisfying sessions come down, frequently, to one ride in which I unexpectedly blast through a section or hang on the very top of a wall a split second longer, or sideslip down a wave face, or, even over the falls, hanging on in the surge.

Still, if I even attempt to present myself as strictly a soul surfer, the lie is obvious. Alone in the water, cruising, I will definitely push harder when someone else shows up. Two of the turns I made that I most remember were, one, when Dana Adler walked out on the south jetty at Oceanside and I cranked a full-ass roundhouse cutback, and, two, when three dudes showed up as a peak Tommy Robinson and I were sharing on the north side of the pier and I went into a rage-driven cutback, drop to straight up move, all in about six feet, left to right. Okay, I wasn’t enraged, more like irritated, but I was stoked that I pulled it off.

Competition.

A heat compresses the surf experience. Whatever the number of minutes, the stress to choose the right wave, to perform on that wave is as exhausting as a much longer free surf session. While we can watch a contest live or on a computer, being in one is… different.

Judging disagreements aside, the best surfer in a heat usually wins.

I didn’t win my first KGB/Windansea contest. I didn’t win the second on I was in, 1969, with three other surfers on the team. I did well enough to advance out of my first heat. Both times.

I washed out of my first heat at a smaller, North County contest at Moonlight Beach, 1969. I blamed Cheer Critchlow and local bias. I surfed in the Western Surfing Association after I moved to Pacific Beach in 1971, advanced to 2A, with enough points to go into the 3A level before giving it up, mostly due to the time spent competing versus my growing painting commitments, and because, like everything in surfing, it is kind of self-serving. Not arguing this right now, but, though I never won a contest, I made the finals every time but one, and I came in 7th in that one.

When fellow Bremerton shipyard worker Raphael Reda presented with the opportunity to surf in a Ricky Young sponsored longboard contest at Westport in the late 1980s, despite not owning a longboard, I agreed. I participated four times, never won a heat. The best I did was third or fourth in a division requiring twenty-year-old or older boards, no leash. I rode a Duke Kahanamoku popout I’d traded some work for. I have the trophy. Somewhere.

So, without arguing about how pure my love for surfing is, and being as old as shit, do I still feel competitive? Add up the asterisks, the answer is… let’s see.

Where We Come From, Where We’re Heading,,,

Posted on by under Uncategorized

…Who we meet along the way.

BUT FIRST- Reggie’s dog, Django (“The ‘J’ is silent”), and sometimes lunatic-al Reggie jumping off a forty foot cliff into freezing water at (I’m not sure this is even legal) some place called, if I remember correctly, the Devil’s Punch Bowl. Definitely not Hawaii.

SPIEL- I was born in Surf City, North Carolina. In a car. Delivered with the help of my father. I am happy to continue the possible or partial truth, or legend, that there was a hurricane and/or we were passing the beach. My parents did, oddly enough, have a waterfront house that, family lore has, they purchased for, like, a thousand dollars in the late forties, and sold it for the same amount in 1954 or so. It was, soon thereafter (again, lore) washed away in another hurricane.

I know we went to the beach often. Another North Carolina story is of me, maximum three years old, toddling down and having to be rescued by an Aunt from the shorebreak. I will get to mat surfing in a bit…

BUT FIRST… I was half under my Volvo at a beach parking lot (no surf), pulling a branch that had been stuck and was causing me stress/worry almost equal to that of my concern about an oil leak (possibly/hopefully from the valve cover gasket rather than anything worse, when a car pulls up. It’s the legendary TIM NOLAN, his wife (who I have met several times, but may not have been properly/formally introduced), and this tallish guy. It turns out it’s EMERSON SWANK, someone who Tim met while on a boat/surf trip in Alaska. And, it turns out, Emerson is from North Carolina. “Oh. I was born there… Surf City.” “That’s where Emerson’s from,” Mrs. Nolan says.

So, because I always forget I have two cell phones, each with a camera, I asked Tim to take a few shots of Emerson Swank, possible nickname ‘Extra Swank.’ Because the first two are East Coast, my best guess is Tim asked Extra Swank to send him a couple. AND I might not have made a big deal of the coincidence if I hadn’t told TRISH. She was amazed. Then again, Trish makes a deal out of the fact that, our fathers both in the Marine Corps, she was conceived in North Carolina, born in San Diego, lived on base at Camp Pendleton in the officer’s housing while my family was in the enlisted section (yeah, okay), and that we met, as fate would have it, in Fallbrook. Fate, coincidence. Yeah. Okay. The bottom photo is of Emerson on the Olympic Peninsula coast.

SURF MATS- I’m doing some work for surfer JOEL CARBON, originally from Long Island, New York. Reggie was working with me the other day when Joel showed up. He and Reggie did some surf bro talk about a session they had recently both been a part of. Shortly thereafter, Joel, with me unwilling to trade out for an inflatable SUP, suggested that I should consider, at my advanced age, switching to a surf mat. NOW, I know Joel realizes I loved surf matting, and continued doing it, with Trish, for a while after I started riding boards (1965). Still, not interested. Yet.

GEORGE GREENOUGH, hailed as surfing’s only genius (disregarding/disrespecting Tom Morey, possibly LibTech dude, Mike Olson, others you can add), who, famously, shot the inside the tube footage for “The Innermost Limits of Pure Fun” from a mat. Way before GoPro.

Joel on a mat on a tiny wave. I believe this is some secret Long Island spot. ALSO, something to add to my “Surf Injury” file. Here’s one of several Mat Mad texts from Joel:

“This thing is mind blowing! Just as XZanadu Rocket Fish open up my surfing 15 years ago to riding everything, the mat is opening up my perspective on wave riding in new waves. The speed and feel of being in (as opposed to on) the wave is really cool. It’s like bodysurfing on a thin layer of air… and the view riding low on the wave in the barrel is unreal, leaves me smiling every time. Yew!”

“Yeah, Joel, I remember.”

It is the heart of the painting season, and I have missed several opportunities to pursue the innermost limits of pure fun… including right now. I was discussing all (actually only) things surf related with surf obsessed Olympic Peninsula ripper, Keith Darrock, while trying to put this version of my ego centric blog together. l said I don’t really want realsurfers to be documentation of the last hurrah of my surf life. “Downward spiral,” he said; “Death spiral.” “Wow. Thanks, Keith.” “Maybe you can go surfing tomorrow… or something.”

I’m scheming. Always. Thanks, as always, for checking out realsurfers.net. AND, I don’t actually care what a real surfer rides (maybe one of those hand dealies for body surfing or an Alaia(sp?) might suggest to me that you are surfing a bit too much), with the possible exception of a blow up SUP, just, if you’re surfing… enjoy it to the limit.

OH, WAIT… ONE MORE THING: I was at the gas pumps recently, bemoaning that if I had purchased some petrol a few hours earlier, I could have saved twenty-one cents a gallon. This cool young man, in cool attire, with a cool hat, gassing up his cool VW van, said, “I’ve discovered that… (cool pause) everything costs something.” WOW! Thanks.