There once was a KING of Malibu, A. warrior king with a wicked smile, He danced to the nose, chucked his board at his foes, and, I don’t know, he’s been dead a while.

There is no royal succession. If Citizen Dora hadn’t been such an outstanding surfer, he would have just been another asshole. He had no power if he wasn’t in the water. Yes, he had grievances with inland cowboys and other interlopers, but he also was an extra in surf-exploitation movies, and, and, and… as kings do, he’s gone. Maybe there’s a current king of Malibu. I could give a fuck. NO KINGS, NO KINGS, NO KINGS, NO KINGS. FOR GOD’S SAKE, FOR AMERICAN DEMOCRACY’S SAKE, NOOOOOOO KINGS.

Stay safe, catch a few waves, call out (nicely) anyone who believes they rule the waves, even if it’s me. Oh, and you can write me at erwin@realsurfers.net

“Line of… succession? What? Oh, line. Yeah… no; I never did a line of that… whatever. You have some.”

Totally made up line, but, to recap; fuck a bunch of dictatorial assholes.