Tag Archives: cancer

Buy “SWAMIS” NOW!

Posted on by under "Swamis" the novel, Erwin Dence surf illustrations, northwest surfing blog,, surf fiction, surf novels, surfing art, surfing blogs, surfing illustrations, surfing Southern California in the 60s, surfing Swamis, writings of Erwin Dence

I DO HAVE surfing related content to post, but I’ve other things going on that push this stuff back a ways. As do we all. Other stuff, like real life. Trish has had a terrible time recovering from chemo and radiation, and has been in the hospital for almost a week. Weight loss, low blood pressure, some sort of infection, it’s all been quite overwhelming.

THE THING ABOUT much of life is that there are, yes, those moments in which something happens suddenly; car accidents for example; but most things happen in much slower motion. Sometimes painfully slow motion. Hair loss is one example (not the best if you consider chemo), but all the indignities dealt us in the aging process. AND THERE are the many problems and issues we cannot fix. ourselves, even with YouTube video help: Car repair. Cancer. AND THERE is the (almost) guilt we feel when we can do so little to help others, this hopelessness (if I haven’t mentioned this emotion yet), the ‘almost’ hopelessness and guilt when we’re talking about people we don’t know, or don’t know well, the feelings multiplied when it’s someone we love.

I I’M COMPLAINING, and I am, I am also aware it’s not about me. It’s about TRISH, someone I’ve known and loved for almost 58 years; someone who doesn’t want me making a deal out of all this. Stubborn enough (and people do ask me… and Trish) to stick with me all this time. IF TRISH is stubborn, she is also strong.

THE ANNOYING reality is that life goes on around us. Bills come due, obds have to be completed, and there’s not much I can do hanging around in a hospital room. AND I AM SOO annoying. II do, however, have some abilities in raising Trisha’s blood pressure. I must shout out now, to our daughter, DRU. She was vital in persuading her mother, with a lot of push from ADAM LARM, childhood friend to two of our three children, and now a nurse (two side stories I’m not telling now) to get paramedics to check her out. No, of course she had to go. And. now…

NOW I’m home, Dru did. a second overnight (they kicked me out at 8:30), and I’m charging up the phone, hanging on, waiting to hear what the doctor (4th or 5th since the two in the emergency room) has to say.

I CAN go work, or I could go to SAINT MICHAEL, or I could work on this blog, or I could finish the ending for my novel. The last two pages have been ready for a while, waiting for my cluttered, disjointed mind to focus enough to come up with… something… perfect, something that ties up some of the storylines while hinting, not subtly, that the next book, “BEACONS” (like Swamies, a convenient surf spot name that reflects the characters) will continue the fictional story of love, marijuana, surf, and MAGIC in the real world, 1969, San Diego’s North County.

LIVE ACTION- It’s almost 11am on Saturday, and I got the latest. UPBEAT, waiting for this test result. Or that one. Antibiotics. Waiting. I need to make a decision. But first… finish this.

My plan was to write something on how. so many things in REAL LIFE take precedence over surfing: Family, work, emergencies of all kinds; bbut when I went to Microsoft Word and checked my file for my novel, it had the little arrow allowing me to. go to page 229 (of 229) rather than scrolling down (which I wouldn’t have done today), SOOOOO, here we are.

-HERE’S THE PITCH! “Swamis” is for sale. I NEED AN AGENT! I NEED A PUBLISHER! I DO NOT WANT an EDITOR-FOR-HIRE. If you are a LEGIT agent, or someone interested in publishing, or, perhaps, investing in some sort of self-publishing scheme, contact me, erwin@realsurfers.net

I SHOULD MENTION THAT “SWAMIS” is dialogue heavy and could be visually… compelling.

OR, I’VE long considered printing some very limited copies, offering the signed work (probably 8&1/2 by 11, with illustrations, signed, dated, numbered) for some decent price, to the most discerning investors and/or surf novel fans. I’m trying to ome up with a price. I will.

TRISHA, checking me out in 1969, with what might be perceived as an adoring look. More likely, it’s curiosity rather than amazement. I’ve been thinking about some sort of poem about what she means to me. Everything. She is my buoy and my anchor; keeps me afloat when I’m sinking, keeps me closer to reality when my imagination overrules my judgment. The anchor simile is tougher. I don’t always want a real life perspective. Nothing replaces honesty. It’s a key ingrediant in love.

Working. on it. Check out some other realsurfersnet pages when you get a chance. Oh, and I sometimes post on INSTAGRAM, realsurfersdotnet

I think Fast Eddie Rothman is saying, “FUCK CANCER!”

Chemotherapy and Other Near-Death Experience

Posted on by under Uncategorized

Trish and I were married on a rainy day, November 20, 1971. Yes, we were young, unaware of just how young we were. Then. We know now.

My wife of fifty-four years is going for her seventh (of twelve) of the once-a-week chemo sessions today. Friday.  The worst day for her will probably be Sunday. Weakness, vomiting, lack of taste, inability to eat even if anything tasted like something other than (based on her description) metallic snot. I should mention the diarrhea, another awesome side effect of chemicals meant to, designed to kill invasive cells without killing the host, the victim, of Cancer, the Big C, and, not that it’s necessary, but “Fuck Cancer.”

Bear in mind that Cancer is the disease, Chemotherapy is the cure; that it will someday be seen as brutal… maybe; it’s the cure for now.

As a bonus, Trish has a very low (like, next step, hospitalization) white blood count (the ones desperately trying to fight off the invader; this making it necessary for her to make three additional trips to the hospital to get shots that go (again, by description) “to the bone.” As a bonus to the bonus, someone with a cold or in the grip of any sort of germiness, should not be around Trish. So, like me… I should maintain a safe distance.

And I have been. Like twenty miles. Trish is at our daughter’s, I’m in Quilcene.

Trish went over to help Dru in her struggles (ongoing because Cancer never, it seems, actually fully surrenders), and now Dru is helping her mother. Meanwhile, I, tasked with some major repairs on our house, continue to choose working over repairing, not to mention writing or drawing, (occasionally surfing), and phone calls and texts between my once-or-twice-a-week in person visits.

And yes, I’m complaining.

The truth about cancer, and other life-threatening illnesses, is that, though we can assume that everyone has been critically ill, there is nothing we can do, really, to alleviate someone else’s pain, their fears; if words of support and expressions of love, and assertions that faith is part of the struggle; if all that were enough, we would all reach out to those who are sick. Or injured. Or lost. Suffering. And there’s a chance it’s helpful, appreciated.

I shouldn’t have to add that, witnessing just how horrendous being this ill is, I feel some amount of guilt in not being more involved in the situations friends have been in. And I’m not going for sympathy. Okay, maybe, thinking about specific instances where I have not been the friend I could have been, I have more guilt than I would like to admit.    

If I’m preaching (God forbid) to anyone, it’s to me.

Still, Trish will get past this. She’s tough enough, resilient enough, stubborn enough to survive 54 years plus with me; hopes and prayers and chemo.

We keep going.