Top Three, for Sure! And Helmet Boy

Posted on November 24, 2024 by Erwin A. Dence Jr. under Uncategorized

AGAIN, I missed an opportunity to take photos. I wasn’t aware randomly running into HELMET BOY would turn into a story, and I wasted some time looking for a photo I could use (you google what you want and only find people who want money for their photos), and then checked my stats. SHIT! I am trying to get people accustomed to checking out my site on Sundays and Wednesdays, but, no, I wasn’t ready.

SO, I went to the piece I wrote, and, naturally, had to do some editing. AND SO I’m posting this part now, and later… latest art attempts, almost-weekly ADAM WIPEOUT update, and the latest edit of my query letter as part of my attempt to sell “SWAMIS.”

The Cold Shoulder

Chris and I were on the bluff, doing that thing surfers do, talking previous sessions while keeping our eyes on the very late afternoon conditions in the water. Waves would rise on the kelp beds, black dots on brushed silver, line up, the faces of the lines going black. Clouds, heavy on the horizon, were threatening rain and promising nightfall.

Beautiful.

Three surfers were still in the water. Keith, a hyper-dedicated local, was surfing better, objectively, if objectively includes taking off at the proper spot, dropping in cleanly, driving through sections and pulling out with a loose and smooth style, the result of and proof that he has a very high wave count.

The wave count comes from a dogged dedication, enduring countless skunkings; from relentlessly searching for waves on a fickle, unpredictable coastline; and from a willingness to ride anything from barely breaking to ridiculously dangerous waves; all in cold water with nasty rocks and often vicious tides. It shouldn’t be surprising that riding a lot of non-epic waves prepares one for the rare gift of, not to exaggerate, decent waves.

That is not the story. Chris had surfed earlier on this day. I arrived minutes too late to suit up and get more than a couple or rides. But… Chris and I had been out days before for one of those rare sessions with rare and truly memorable waves (and yes, ‘rare,’ twice, it’s that rare. Word had gotten around. Surfers who don’t check the conditions religiously showed up; surfers who don’t know the lineup, paddle past those who do, blow takeoffs, get in the way. So, normal stuff.

Still, any discussion from the bluff or the beach includes who is surfing, how they’re surfing, and how they even knew there might be waves. Chris and I were beyond that, on to the subject of rights, and rights of way, and the seemingly unsolvable issue of priority. We were on how brutal that wipeout Joel got was, how long the rides were, how critical (and again, how rare) when a young guy (like, in his 20s) rides up next to us (switching to present tense, for fun) on a bicycle, slamming (to channel a little Springsteen) on his coaster brakes just before he would go over the six foot drop to driftwood and rocks. The obvious daredevil is wearing a helmet. Light yellow, maybe. He checks Chris and me out. He has a sarcastic smirk on his face and seems to want to participate in the conversation. Not someone either of us recognize, the standard practice is to not engage. If he gives me a tip of his helmet, I might break protocol and give him a half nod. Still, not an invitation.

Chris turns away, the literal version of the metaphoric cold shoulder. Because my right ear, narrowed by bone growth, is plugged up from not wearing my earplugs during my most recent three sessions, some wipeouts incurred in each, I face the bicycle guy. Lip reading has become something I attempt out of necessity, fully aware that being hard of hearing is somehow equal to being rude. Sorry. Speak up. Please.

“Oh, yeah,” Bicycle Boy says, followed by something like… Okay, I heard it wrong. Chris heard it correctly. “You guys are cracking me up over here. All like, ‘Yeah, top ten ____ ____!’ and, ‘____ ____ top ten!’” He throws his hands out toward the water. Chris mouths, “Top three! (Exclamation mark implied!!)” I nod. Big nod.

My response to Helmet Boy is something like, “Yeah, surfing, man, it’s so… juvenile.” But,

in the category of ‘what I should have said’ is, “Why don’t you tighten your chin strap, get back on your 3 speed Huffy, and go see what your mom’s making for dinner.”

What Chris did was raise his right hand over his shoulder as Bicycle Boy picked up his bike like a skirt, spun around, and rode past us. Single finger salute.

Good move. Smooth. Stylish. No wasted big arm movements.

NOTE- As far as photos of what might have been a top three session… Hmmm. There’s a policy. I don’t think you can buy any, but I haven’t really checked. Google “All time surf on the Strait of Juan de Fuca.” I did; it’s as frustrating as trying to find waves… not to dissuade you… too much.

TYPICAL November doppler image. TWO illustrations derived from the same source. I couldn’t wait for the scans. ADAM and his sister LISSA taken from a cookbook Dru’s friend LIESHA purchased. Modeling the wellies (proper term on tide flats, ‘pig boots’ otherwise) with style.

I have recently spoken with several people pushing me to self-publish my novel. Not my first choice. To that end, I’m trying to get an agent, necessary stop to not paying but getting paid. My daughter, Dru, is putting the package together; query, sample illustrations, first ten pages. HERE’S the query letter:

Query- “Swamis,” Fiction of the ‘totally could have happened’ strain by Erwin A. Dence, Jr.

Dear _______ ________,

That my 92,000-word novel “Swamis” has become as much love story as murder mystery is a surprise to me. Almost. The action centers around the surf culture at Swamis Point in North San Diego County. It is 1969. An evolutionary/revolutionary period in surfing and beyond, to those who have only known crowds, this was a magical era.

Joey DeFreines, Jr, the narrator, is the son of a Japanese ‘war bride’ and a detective with the County Sheriff’s Office. The ex-Marine is trying and failing to maintain a balance and calm as marijuana becomes a leading cash crop in the unincorporated area that are his jurisdiction and as the completion of I-5 supercharges population growth.

Very close to turning 18, Joey is damaged, troubled, prone to violent outbursts, and possibly brilliant. A compulsive note taker, Joey, nicknamed ‘Jody’ after a military cadence, is an ‘inland cowboy’ outsider who wants, desperately, to be a ‘Local.’

And he is desperately attracted to Julie Cole, one of a few girl surfers in the beach towns along Highway 101. Nicknamed Julia ‘Cold,’ just-18-year-old Julie might appear to be a spoiled, standoffish surfer chick, rabidly protected by her small group of friends. She is also almost secretly brilliant, and quite strong willed.

Julie’s father is a certified public accountant who may, with help from outwardly upright citizens, be laundering increasing amounts of drug money. Julie’s mother, Julia, moves from fixer-upper to fixer-upper in a housing market about to explode. She may also be the head of a group growing, packaging, transporting, and selling marijuana. Once grown in orchards and sold to friends of friends, the product is moved through Orange County middlemen to the larger, more profitable, and more dangerous market of L.A.

Joey and Julie, both concentrating on studying and surfing, are rather blissfully unaware of what is going on around them. Joey’s father’s death, for which Joey may be responsible, has connections to the violent and fiery murder of Chulo, a beach evangelist and drug dealer, next to the white, pristine, gold lotus adorned walls of a religious compound that gives Swamis its name.

Finding Chulo’s murderer, with those on all sides believing Joey has inside information, pushes Joey and Julie together.

There is an interconnectedness between all the supporting characters, each with a story, each as real as I can render them.

“Swamis” was never intended to be an easy beach read. And it isn’t.

Me? I am of this period and place, with brothers and friends who were very involved in the marijuana/drug culture, both sides. I was not. It is very convenient that a Swami, like a detective, like many of the characters in the book, is a ‘seeker of truth.’

I have written articles, poems, short stories, screenplays, two other novels, some moving to the ‘almost’ sold category. I had a column “So, Anyway…” in the “Port Townsend Leader” for ten years, I’ve written, illustrated, and self-published several books of local northwest interest. I started a surf-centric website (blog) in 2013: realsurfers.net.

After many, many edits and complete rewrites, I believe the manuscript is ready for the next step. Thank you for your time and consideration,

Erwin A. Dence, Jr.

As always, anything that you think might be protected by copyright is. So, thanks for respecting that. MEANWHILE, if you have something to say to me, say it loud. AND, get some waves if you can, preferably EPIC! ALL TIME! TOP THREE! AND, Wednesday, like… 10ish..

Three Degrees of Skunk

There is the no waves skunk; the wait for hours for waves to show up and then go out in waves that are or become way worse than the waves you could have ridden; and the show up with good waves but suffer some breakdown (ie; broken and lost fin) or run out of time before you can get out because you have to, HAVE TO LEAVE. We could add the times you just know it’s going off and you just cannot, this or that obligation, go, BUT you will hear about how awesome it was. Somehow being there and not surfing is more painful; what could have been for you and was for… them. Yeah, that’s petty. We all should be accustomed to this and not harbor resentment. Should. Jimbo and Buster got waves, supposedly, allegedly ‘All time, Epic, etc.’ You were working on your resume, trying to make yourself seem a bit more regime-friendly. Worth it.

Right Decisions, Wrong Decisions, Indecision, and/or Three Degrees of Skunk

“Time and tide wait for no man.” I don’t know who to credit the quote to, and frankly, I’m not motivated enough to even try to look it up. Here’s another quote, from me, probably said earlier, possibly better, by someone else: “There are good and bad decisions; sometimes the worst decision is indecision.”

I have missed more waves through indecision than bad decisions. I could trade this possible aphorism, as it relates to my most recent attempt at finding and riding waves to, “Always listen to Trish,” and/or “Trish is almost always right.”

Yesterday was my wife’s birthday. Always a year and a bit behind me, age-wise, always ahead of me, decision-wise. YES, Trish knew the election was getting blown out while I still held on to some desperate belief that even people I am going to say are fooled rather than that they are fools might vote self-interest over grievance, YES, Trish said I shouldn’t agree to go with ADAM “WIPEOUT’ JAMES if he had to get back to HamaHama by 11 am. YES, Trish did say, when I got home at 10am, that I should just go back out. YES, Trish was right.

The, let me see, 1971… 2024… 53^rd wedding anniversary (I was 20, Trish was 19 years and eleven days old) is coming up; you’d think I’d believe her by now.

I am extremely bad at giving presents. To anyone. If giving a compliment on, say, a surfer’s, even a friend’s ride or style, is a sort of gift; I’m stingy enough to never give false praise. RUDE SARCASM, yes, though, since you should believe Trish, she says… well, a lot; all of it honest. “You always try to be cool. Give it up!” This was when we were first dating; still holds up. “You say you’re just joking. No, you almost always mean it.” Okay. “You never listen.” No. What? “You’re an asshole and you’re never sorry.” Okay, there Trish is wrong. I am sorry. Sometimes.

I’m sorry right now. Sorry for myself that I didn’t set up an alternate plan, ride back with someone else, sorry I actually (broke a rule here) got word that a spot that wasn’t working pre-dawn was working (hence regret for now heading back out), and I found out, way after the fact, that I could have abandoned Adam, surfed the spot that was working at dawn and beyond, and gotten a ride back. So, TRISH. Right.

Some SOLACE, me trying to lessen the pain of carting my gear all the way to the beach with a thirty-minute window to change, surf, change again, head for the car. Since donning a wetsuit is approximately a ten-minute process, getting out of it, another ten to twelve; there was, realistically, only time to watch surfers catch and not catch waves. OH, and a chance to look like the guy…

SO, there’s the paddle of shame; paddling rather than surfing in because the waves went away (frequent and forgivable on the fickle Strait) or because you are, perhaps daunted by the surf at hand (semi-forgivable if you’ve been surfing for three hours and there’s a seven-wave set approaching); and then there’s the greater shame of being all set to go and then not going out because the waves are not what you are prepared to ride.

This was not the case, and, no, I don’t want to be that guy, OR the old guy who dispenses ‘back in my day’ stories rather than subjecting himself to paddling out and providing proof that this is not his (apologies for using the masculine) day.

RIDING WITH ADAM, I have to say, is very enjoyable. He has great stories that go way beyond surfing, BUT, as I told Adam when we were hightailing it back to his car, me with my bag of dry wetsuit and supplies, Adam with a fresh ding in his latest favorite board of all time, if I had made a deal to get a ride back with KEITH and RICO, I’d have abandoned him in a fucking heartbeat and gone out. I WASN”T JOKING.

Wipout-wise, REGGIE SMART did suffer an injury recently; his board smacking him in the jaw, teeth going through his lip. He drove himself to the emergency room and, in true Reggie style, wouldn’t let the nurse touch him after she touched way too many things with her gloved hands, turned down a stitch from the doctor, saying he had ‘peroxided and denatured the shit’ out of the wound, and couldn’t he just shave off his soul patch and put, like, one of those butterfly things on it? Sure. Did he want vicadin? “No, I’m good.” I’m not all over instagram, but Reggie is. Check him out.

I WROTE a first verse of this poem and/or song (song) a while back. I have been working on a second verse. And a chorus. One I know but one that doesn’t actually fit is something that someone in my family of seven kids came up with. Not sure who should get credit.

Cookies and candy and ice cream and cake, donuts and brownies and pie, and for dessert, Jello.

Hold off on that sugar, Honey, I don’t want to die, I just need a taste of something sweet to get me by; Honey, you should know by now that I might never be, Someone who’s as good for you as you have been for me.

I still can’t believe it, Honey, you have been so sweet, Didn’t know I needed you to make my life complete; Honey, there are universes dancing in your eyes; It’s not just that, it’s so much more that’s kept me hypnotized.

The world of surf, what it is and what we believe it to be, and surfers, real and otherwise, keeps spinning. Some can articulate the range of emotions and sensations flowing through a surfer in the most magical, intimate moments. The addiction is the desire to feel that release again. And… again.

ANYWAY, more to come. I am almost done, like 15 pages from my latest edit of my novel, “SWAMIS,” and I did talk on the phone to the president/owner/whatever of a Seattle publisher. I’ll get to that on Wednesday. RIGHT NOW I am considering whether to take off and look for waves with a dropping swell or… I’ll check with Trish and get back to you.

Sometimes Taking the Skunking…

Posted on May 25, 2024 by Erwin A. Dence Jr. under "Swamis" the novel, northwest surfing, old surfers, real surfers, surfing, surfing art, surfing the strait of juan de fuca

…might be the wiser choice. You’ve faced this situation: The waves are crappy; side-blown, the tide completely wrong for the spot, and bound to get wrong-er for the next two hours; and the wind’s supposed to get stronger, wronger; sideshore, onshore, with a swirling bit of actual offshore just to help convince you that it’s go out, or hang out, or go home skunked and… yeah, you’re there to surf. And, another mind-push, is that you (and by you, I mean me) missed the last window because you had some sort of responsibility you couldn’t get out of, although, to be honest, you/I could have gone later and, as it turned out, scored.

I blame you. Me. Regrets. It totally wrong that sessions, or even particular waves we miss (you and I) are often regretted more than sessions or waves in which we believe we scored are properly appreciated.

Still… Fuck! Despite it being against somebody’s rules, if you have friends who surf, and they score, or claim they scored, and you didn’t… you will hear about it. “Why weren’t you out there?” Fuck! Should’a gone.

WHEN I was learning (should say ‘first’ learning), living twenty miles from any waves, and at the mercy of anyone willing to drive (my siblings and me, friends and me, me), I would go out in anything. Like… ANY THING!

That hasn’t really changed through the years. Even when I lived five minutes or less from waves, fitting surfing into my schedule (other obligations, but, working, mostly) meant hitting it with all the other weekend warriors and after-work maniacs, so, crappy conditions; I thought of it as practice.

PRACTICE. Of all the sessions I’ve surfed on the Strait of Juan de Fuca, a very high percentage fall into this category. If riding tiny waves makes one better equipped for bigger waves, choppy waves prepare one for clean ones, YEP, I’ve practiced.

STILL doing the make-my-best-assessment, move-other-schedule-issues-around, and GO!

I have a pretty good story on my latest session, and on why, even though I got a couple decent rides, I should have passed on it. It would sound kind of like whining, so… another time. I challenged tjhe conditions and… next time. NEXT time.

WAIT! I just checked my schedule AND the forecast. Busy, not so good. Please allow me to rethink my most recent session. I mean, I got a couple of decent rides, considering. Maybe… and this is what I would say to anyone I haven’t already reported the truth to… “Yeah, almost no one out! It was… GREAT!

meanwhile, in addition to more work shirked than accomplished on my novel, “Swamis,” I have some art projects I’m working on. More in my retro/psychedelic period. Photos soon.

ADAM’S FAMILY big island VACATION

Posted on February 11, 2024 by Erwin A. Dence Jr. under real surfers, surf addiction, surf adventures, surf stories, surf trips, surfing blogs, surfing stories, surfing the strait of juan de fuca

If you rely on the waves on the Strait of Juan de Fuca to provide you with all the surfing satisfaction you can reasonably handle… well… There is a reason surfers who can go elsewhere do… go elsewhere. Of the loosely bundled group that might or might not be considered the Jefferson County CREW (as differentiated from if not opposed to the Clallam County or, heavens, the crews from King or Thurston or any other county) one is in New Zealand, another in Mexico, and two local rippers are planning a brief escape to, perhaps, Panama.

So, ADAM JAMES, who does actually live in Mason County, but, by virtue of his wide travels pushing HAMA HAMA OYSTERS to the known world, and who seems to be welcomed everywhere he goes, figured out a way to get to the BIG ISLAND, AND, AND, and to include his family: Andrea and their two sons, EMMETT and CALVIN (aka BOOMER), whose names I include because I keep having to ask Adam, AND because it is important to know more about our surf friends than whether or not they are goofy foot. Adam- no; regular foot but known to use a parallel stance on occasion.

OKAY, and I know it’s annoying, here is, after some further babbling, the photo array:

YOU DON’T get the full ADAM WIPOUT storytelling advantage here. I did. It was great. Next time Adam is backpaddling you, ask him about shooting the boar, or who this guy is, or pretty much anything. IT does look like this board was pretty far along before this Big Island breakage. I don’t believe this surfer was identified by name.

That’s Mikel “SQUINTZ” Cumiskey in the second shot. He seems to move, frequently, from Florida to Port Townsend to the Big Island. Mike and Adam met up, hit some of the spots. YES, Adam dropped names (Pine Trees, Banyons, secret spots with names I already forgot), had to include that the locals welcomed him graciously, AND that, by luck, he discovered a spot by the hotel they were staying at.

NOW, I have done some work for the Hama Hama Oyster Company, so I should include that the one photo is of Nate, the hatchery manager for JAMESTOWN SEAFOOD. The hatchery is owned by the Jamestown/s’klallam tribe. Nate is holding a few thousand 2-3 mm Kumamoto Oyster seed. They are sent from the hatchery to East Sequim Bay to grow to 12mm, at which point they are shipped to farms such as the Hama Hama tideflats on the Hood Canal. Nate is based out of Kona and, with his wife, Melissa, took Adam and Emmett out on their boat.

THERE WERE other photos, more waves, but I should also mention the boar was shot, by Adam. The way Adam told me, “So, Brian tells me, ‘the boar’s gonna charge you, but he’ll stop short. When he does, you have to shoot him right between the eyes. One shot. These guys eat twenty-two bullets like candy.’ It did… stop. I shot. Boom.”

BRIAN works for HAWAIIAN SHELLFISH on the Hilo side. Hama Hama also buys seed from them.

If I got any of this wrong, sorry.

MEANWHILE, look for waves when you can, and, if you find them, surf them. I am totally planning on restoring my HOBIE, which I did purchase from Adam Wipeout, like six or seven years ago, and, no Adam, I did pay it off.

Here’s something I got as a comment from someone who identified as FRANK LEE DARLING: “Those Cristians (sic) who can’t seem to not follow the sunburned turd should realize there not part of the flock, they’re part of the mob. Hope you get what I’m saying, Dude.” Not political, Frank, not sure if you’re talking about ALEX KNOST. No need to write back to explain.

IF YOU’RE CRUISING up or down SURF ROUTE 101, you might as well check out HAMA HAMA OYSTERS. If you have access to the internet, might as well check realsurfers.net on Sundays and Wednesdays. Not, like, dawn patrol.

The Day After Sunday, and…

Posted on December 11, 2023 by Erwin A. Dence Jr. under "Swamis" the novel, northwest surfing, old surfers, Original Erwin t-shirts, real surfers, surf illustrations, surfing in Washington State, surfing the strait of juan de fuca

…I do try to keep to some sort of schedule. I have been trying to have potential and actual readers ready for new posts on Sundays and Wednesdays, it’s just that… no, no excuses.

There is an old saying: “Never complain, never explain.” Since I constantly do the first, I should be willing to do the other. I’ve been trying to make up for the time (and money) lost during my recent power surge/outage. I’m still working on figuring out… things.

I did work on my manuscript for “SWAMIS” during my down time, the generator churning outside; picturing the starving artist alone in some freezing Paris garret, desperately trying to make those subtle adjustments that will bring… heat, light, shit like that.

So, power back on, off to do the work that actually pays the bills. Out of town job. While waiting for a submarine (maybe, couldn’t see) to go through the Hood Canal Bridge (forty minute delay in this case), I actually made a list of what changes I need to make to my novel in order for it to make sense, story wise.

BUT, FIRST, because I’m changing the ending a bit, and I’m never quite sure if I might make more changes mid chapter (of course I will), I must write the last seven pages. THEN go back.

I also have been working on some drawings. I will put one of several possible ORIGINAL ERWIN t shirt designs, and a sort of redo of a little cove/point, with some added, never-happen-in-real-life waves:

Please overlook or forgive my lack of scanning skills. “I’m here to surf” is pretty much my motto. I do have some other designs. If I am going to inv.est in making another run of ORIGINAL ERWIN shirts (and, if you own one… it’s a VERY LIMITED item), I want them to be as good as the ones I’ve already done.

I do plan on going to a print shop this afternoon, and, if I don’t post anything else, I will put up some new illustrations.

MEANWHILE, I’m putting out local surf-related gossip, spreading rumors, trying to verify other things I’ve heard, lots of surfers coming over to the Peninsula and getting skunked is a common one. Very common.

OH, AND I’m also working on a possible shirt design for Washington State’s WEST END. It seems like, out on the rugged coast (and, for some reason, locals don’t seem to include fan favorites HOBUCK and WESTPORT) are not all that enthusiastic about folks cruising in from, you know, non-west. I’m not really involved in this- Yes, I did once try to surf Ruby Beach (so many logs, so many rocks), and yes, I did have a logger/surfer, years ago (late 80s), when I was out at Kalaloch, three children with me, trying to find some gems I could surf as practice for the RICKY YOUNG WESTPORT LONGBOARD CONTEST; tell me where I could find an accessible almost-point break; but, other than a few trips to the cove of vampires, I try to contain myself to the north(er) zone.

SO, self-promoting a bit, do check in on realsurfers.net occasionally, like, just to make sure, hit on it on THURSDAY.

AS ALWAYS, get some waves when you can.

Not Panicking is Sooo Crucial

Posted on December 2, 2023 by Erwin A. Dence Jr. under surf addiction, surf adventures, surfing stories, surfing tales, surfing the strait of juan de fuca

YEAH, I’m posting this just before I go to the next step in my attempt to bring full power back to my house. I replaced the burnt out shutoff switch, now I’m replacing the guts of the panel. This requires shutting off the main breaker down the driveway, and, once initiated, there’s no power until it’s all back together. SO… deep breath and…

I got this photo from Mike Squintz. He’s been dealing with a heavy work demand; too many hours. I’m pretty sure I told him I do whatever I can to avoid total meltdown. Or freeze-up. STILL, here I am putting off that walk down the driveway to the power pole. Another deep breath.

Here is something from my collection, “Mistaken For Angels:”

Close to the Ground

Not everyone knows how the heat gets trapped,

Close to the ground; Held by the grasses, caught in the trees,

Boxed-up, stacked hard against the back door. Not everyone knows.

But we do. You do.

We know how the cold stringy reach of the ocean can’t reach us… quite.

We are leaned hard against the cliff, Cold and wet against warm, dry rocks,

Afternoon winds streaming up and over the pocket; God’s pocket.

We know. You and I. We know, and we fling a laugh between us,

Out and up, Smashing against the cliff’s highest outward edge, Pieces falling back down, Just enough to cover both of us.

Not the iconic image from the movie “From Here to Eternity,” but, when I couldn’t find a suitable Googled image under, “Couple making out at the bottom of a cliff by the beach,” I thought of this. Perhaps I placed it after (under) the poem because I want any reader to get their own image, perhaps from some memory. Any romantic-ness is a bit optional.

While I have memories of hanging at the cliff side after surfing from California, feeling the trapped warmth, I have another from the Pacific Northwest. Not romantic at all, though the feelings generated by an attraction to riding waves do get entangled with those of lust, love, passion. There’s some indisputable overlap. Not to be purposefully redundant, but with Trish and me, surfing has always been the other woman.

IF WE”RE past this, then, the story: I was surfing a break that required going across a river that I hadn’t surfed before. It was low tide, early spring, sunny, maybe fifty degrees, and I swore I saw a surfer walking back across the river mouth. I caught quite a few waves and was ready to go back across. The guy riding with me hadn’t caught as many and wanted to stay longer. Fine. I pulled down the top of the wetsuit and enjoyed the heat trapped in the berm. Then I tried to walk across the river.

YOU’RE RIGHT, rivers being rivers, there’s always a deep spot. Fifteen feet from the bank, my wetsuit starting to take in water. I thought about how my keys and cell phone were on the safe side of the river, how stupid I was, and, looking up into the sky, I saw a Coast Guard helicopter passing.

NO, I DIDN”T PANIC. It wouldn’t have helped.

THIS IS NOT MEANT to in any way overlap with my electrical adventure. I did a lot of research and I am actually being pretty cautious. Power off, move a bunch of wires, and… more caution. Then, power on.

I’ll let you know how it works out. WHOA! Yeah, I did just knock on wood. OH, I should add; we don’t know what stressors others have, so, while trying to control our stress levels, we might consider not being a stressor ourselves. Okay, considering.

UPDATE: More serious than I had hoped. It has to be something upstream, flow wise. The PUD will have to get involved. Not fully on panicked. Working on the ending to “Swamis.” If I could sell it… Considering. Check on Wednesday.

Last Wave of (and at) 2020

Posted on January 1, 2021 by Erwin A. Dence Jr. under Uncategorized

There’s always that one last wave, the one you’ll ride as close to the shore as you can get. It’s only fitting that my last one was on the last day of what, if you’ll forgive the foul language, was a fucked up year, a real (please fill in your own adjectives, I just got a bit more depressed and pissed-off considering my options) doozy of a year. PLAGUE YEAR- During which we discovered each of us is a potential threat to anyone we come into contact with, or are even in the same room with. CULTURE WARS- During which the divisions in our population became increasingly clear, with or without bumper stickers and big-ass flags and FoxNews Addicts identifying anyone more intelligent that they are as Elitists. POLITICAL YEAR in which the cruelty of the power elite has only been matched by its cynicism and cowardice. FISCAL YEAR (yes, I know it’s not a complete match)- During which the stock market went up and the jobs dried up.

Wave image taken from Google or Bing; not an exact match to any local waves

NOW, on the political side, here’s an image I can’t quite shake. Imagine Mitch McConnell. Okay, now imagine him supposedly throwing desperate and drowning AMERICANS a lifeline that is just not quite long enough. Yes, he’s got that gleeful smirk/smile any politician representing one of the poorest, per capita, states in the Union might have when he’s claiming a two thousand dollar stimulus check might just accidently go to someone who doesn’t really need it. Possible caption: “Come on now, just jump for it.”

To be clear; I don’t believe McConnell to be cowardly; a cruel and cynical power broker who, I hope, makes no claim to being a Christian (anywhere on the radical spectrum of claimants), hell yeah.

I DO APOLOGIZE, to those who believe you aren’t, for getting political. I will try not to get too religious EXCEPT to say that I have come to interpret that commandment about not using God’s name in vain as meaning we mortals (sure, you could also put an asterisk on this) don’t have a right to give commands to whatever God is (and, since none of us really know, I would be considered liberal or blasphemous on this, considering how cock sure you are). I do believe it’s acceptable to make requests. As such, and realizing we are all hypocrites in some way, we are all infidels to someone, we are all sinners (if sinning means breaking some part of your own code), and many of us have been taught that there is some sort of overriding and final judgment and that vengeance is not ours; I do have a few requests in the disabling-if-not-damning category.

SO, GOOD FUCKING BYE to 2020; I do have some optimism for 2021; but heading into it is like, if I can compare it to my last surf session, yesterday, in which I took off before dawn, knowing the recent rains and tides and other factors have altered (and not for the better) my favorite reef; and then, heading up Surf Route 101, checking the buoy readings, discovering the swell has moved too south for anything to work on the Strait; then discovering a long chunk of 112 is closed due to the usual landslides; and, with the surf always fickle, rarely matching the forecast (unless it’s for flatness and unfavorable winds), and… and I kept going.

It worked out. Kind of. We adapt. We hope. Maybe the tides and the rivers and the waves will push the gravel and the rocks, reshaped and reformed into a different reef, one that turns chaos into a peak and a running shoulder. Change is constant. Keep going.

TWO LAST THINGS: One, two thousand dollars is ‘walking around money’ for some, desperately needed for many. If you don’t understand true desperation, ‘lucky you.’ Two, since, all of us being masked and dangerous has allowed the true dickheads to be much more open about it. As such, I have made it my first NEW YEAR’S resolution ever, to be as nice as I can bring myself to being in public (properly distanced) situations. EXAMPLE- Getting gas at Costco, I told the guy gassing up his big-ass SUV with those big-ass rims that those kind of rigs always remind me of covered wagons. Negative response. I turned to see some other dickhead had just said something rude to the attendant. I said something nice. No, actually I said that some people are just dickheads. Then I said something nice, like, Happy New Year. “Thanks, man” was his response. Then, just to prove that I (well known for being a wave hog) am a hypocrite, I had a chance to share the three bucks in my wallet with a couple at the stoplight (sign, dog, both smoking). I didn’t. Might have been the smoking part. Still, dickhead inaction.

Strait Solstice Report

Posted on June 21, 2020 by Erwin A. Dence Jr. under "Swamis" the novel, real surfers

It’s drizzling outside. Heavy drizzle. I’ve been working for about two and a half hours on the latest rewrite/edit of “Swamis.” That would be about as long as my last surf session, if one doesn’t count getting into and out of a wetsuit; so, sure, writing session.

The Summer Solstice might mean something different out here on the Olympic Peninsula than it does elsewhere. This area, more specifically the Strait of Juan de Fuca, has become, with my lack of surf travelling, my locale. It’s a strange world where surfers wait for ocean swells to find their way forty, even eighty miles into a narrow (compared to the open seas) opening; and then we hope they, diminished in size by the journey, hit the right beach at the right angle on the best tide, and then become a really good (I am tempted to say ‘righteous’) wave.

Oh, and we’d prefer glassy and uncrowded conditions, and, if it isn’t too much to ask for, a little more size. Huh?

ANYWAY, without going through what I went through to get in my last session (hint- daylight is, like, seventeen hours) within a very narrow window, and without mentioning the number of times I was skunked or near-skunked, I will now pivot to a story from elsewhere and elsewhile:

This is a photo Trish found on Facebook while doing some sort of research after she got a friend request from Don McLean, a guy in my class (1969) at Fallbrook High. Don tried surfing, didn’t stick with it, but his younger brother, Billy, did surf, and did manage to get my other friends and I in trouble on more than one occasion.

In fact, of the two times I spent time in custody of the Police, the second time, for curfew, along with Phillip Harper, Ray Hicks, and Mark Metzger, was almost totally the fault of Billy McLean. I have written about it. I’m not sure if Trish accepted Don’s request.

The first time I was held, for truancy, Shuichi and some other older guy (might have been the other guy in this photo) were with me. I was held, they lied, said they were going to Palomar Junior College, I got to follow the cop in my hand-painted psychedelic 1958 Buick, hang around the Oceanside Police station until my mother, who knew I was headed for a car show in San Diego, and, well, might as well go surfing, came from work to pick me up; me, still dressed in trunks, holding my driver’s license they finally returned to me; oh, and by the way, the only reason they put me in the holding cell was because I was just too nosy, checking out the station, reading stuff coming off the teletype. Criminal. No charges.

That’s pretty much the story, other than my mom did not allow me to continue on to the car show, and she did feel obligated to turn me in, in person, to the school. Detention.

Notoriety. Another story. “Oh, no; they did lock the cell. What? No, an hour, hour and a half. At least.”

The narrator of “Swamis,” Jody DeFreines, is the son of a white father and a Japanese mother. I wrote him as such because, with surfers from the sixties self-identifying as loners and outsiders, I wanted him to be more of both. I was influenced, also, because two of my longtime friends, George Takamoto and Archie Endo, are of Japanese descent.

Oh, but Shuichi is closer to Jody. We (Phil and Ray and I) once rode with him, after school, to El Toro Marine Airfield in Orange County, where his father was stationed. The plan was for him to visit his dad for a while, then we’d surf San Onofre. It seemed to me his relationship with his father was a bit, um, fraught. We waited. He came back. It was too late to surf.

Shuichi was at least one grade ahead of me. Because I made sandwiches for my six siblings and parents, and his mother, evidently, did not, he started buying lunch from me, the proceeds I then used to buy ice cream bars and such. Or gas money. I could make more sandwiches.

He was in my art class. We had a pretty redneck-ish teacher (I took four years of art, not that it shows) who once, because he feared break-ins, actually considered rigging a shotgun over one of the doors. He did, at least, discuss it. Oh, and, this tidbit might transfer somehow to “Swamis,” (changed to mostly male Big Jacket photography students) the regular teacher seemed kind of pervy toward the girls; and most of the students were girls. Artists? Yeah.

At one point we had a substitute teacher, a woman artist from La Jolla, very hip and chic, who said Shuichi should seriously consider, as a career, being a gigolo. I’m not positive she ever gave him this advice. She did tell me, and I was under the impression that she may have had some actual clients in mind. I, of course, did tell him what she suggested. Again, evidently Shuichi was eighteen as a senior, so, almost-sorta-kinda-not so shocking.

It was to me, of course. I don’t know that he didn’t follow that line of work. His latest Facebook posting showed him, fairly recently, getting married; so, I would guess, not for the first time. He still looked good. His work history seems to reflect sales, and representing this company or that, so… good on him.

OKAY, so, like somewhat over an hour on this, this session. Happy solstice to all, no matter how far waves have to travel to get to you; and remember, it’s all downhill now for the next six months.

Stuck in the Suck… One Rib Too Far

Posted on December 5, 2019 by Erwin A. Dence Jr. under Erwin Dence surf illustrations, northwest surfing, real surfers, realsurfers illustrations, surf art, Uncategorized

It’s not, really, that the waves were all that dangerous or scary; it’s just that they were breaking too close to the beach.

Beach break. Shore break.

I can’t say I’m not spoiled by reef and point breaks, waves that seem a bit more, um, polite, reasonable, more consistent. On the Olympic Peninsula, the prevailing condition being flat or flat with winds blowing so frequently (and often briskly, gales from south to east to north to west, sometimes in one day) against any swell direction that might bring some sign of swell to the Strait, and even with buoy readings that suggest, almost guarantee rideable waves, the prevailing condition can win.

SKUNKED.

What is worse, figuring I’d figured it correctly, that I just might score, seeing even the super weak wavelets coming out of the dark and (despite the forecast) wind-torn deeper water, die among (as opposed to lined-up bombs sliding over) the rocks of a reef; a dark squall bringing a downpour; I discovered I might have been almost the only one dumb enough to believe the odds and the gods favored surf.

WAITING. Maybe it’s the tide; maybe it’s just…. a 47 (or so) minute nap, the downpour now the heaviest sort of drizzle, the windows now as fogged inside as they are wet outside; wet; that kind of wetness where they’re just covered in vertical rows of tiny drops, hanging there; one drop in each row gaining enough weight to fall down onto the next; but, and I would have awakened, no one else has even pulled in to see if there are waves.

So then one, meaning me, feels dumb for even trying.

BRIEF INTERMISSION- Here’s the negative, black light ready, version of the Soul Rebel illustration:

Scan_20191205

OKAY. There might be some options. This is how I ended up hiking to a spot that offered three foot plus waves, still not clean, not friendly, ribs in the swell caused by sidewinds; breaking along (more like on) a steep beach where, eight feet from shore, the water’s eight feet deep. Overhead.

SO, yeah; look for a corner, take off, drive hard, pull out before it all crashes. There’s no channel to ease into. There are sections, sort of separated by those sideways ribs. A bigger wave should break farther off the shelf that is the shore. Two successful-if-short rides are followed by one on which I went a rib too far. Oops.

Stuck in the Suck, I was down in the trench, my board skittering up the beach with each wave, each wave rag-dolling me as I attempted to crawl up and onto the shelf.

OKAY, now I’m determined. Drop, turn, burn, pullout. Repeat. Not super thrilling. BUT THEN, again, going for another section, an extra little chunk of water… Suck, stuck, rag-doll, crawl, try again. After somewhere around fifteen waves, having ridden one three ribs and a ways down the beach, I got out without suffering a third knockdown. Enough.

FUN. So, here’s my takeaway, based, largely on something I learned in Psychology 101, Palomar Junior College, 1969: All passion (read froth or stoke or lust or hunger) seeks to eliminate itself; to diminish that desire that so often overrides logic and morals and common sense. This lust/froth/stoke/hunger, extended by the ‘one more wave’ syndrome, can be more quickly diminished in sketchy, ‘one section too far’ conditions.

THEN, as passion does, passion returns. NEXT TIME…

Slow Down, No ThrowDown at the BroDown

Posted on May 12, 2019 by Erwin A. Dence Jr. under northwest surfing, old surfers, real surfers, surfing, Uncategorized

“I always try to compete to be the best,” I said.

Now, I can, and do, edit what I write. What I say in real time, however, is out there, it’s gone, in the time zone of ‘past,’ mostly ‘past imperfect’ tense.

Tense. Yeah. Five more minutes, I figured, and the guy who had been all “Aloha” was going to, possibly, want to throw down. He had, he said, a history. He had, he said, given a well-known Westport enforcer a beatdown years ago. Cops were called. Westside Oahu. Makaha. He knows Sunny, calls Buffalo ‘Uncle;’ said he did some enforcing. Despite my being seventeen years older than him, he didn’t call me Uncle.

Now, after I went over the story with a couple of friends via cellular device, I began to believe I had, perhaps, over-reacted. Maybe it was because the thought of someone actually throwing punches over some imagined (or even real) affront in the waves just seems like over-reacting.

Then I called Trish. “You have to think about what you say.” “Uh huh.” “What exactly did you say?”

Oh. So, again, let me rethink:

Discussions on who has priority.

It’s all about the windows. The tide was going to drop off, the swell was supposed to drop, the wind was forecast to increase, and not at a good angle, not offshore. There’s always the chance that you’ll get skunked; especially when the buoy readings, at the last place where my phone works, had already dropped to a size where, in my memory of collected skunking/scoring, the numbers favored flatness.

So, when I rolled up and saw waves… um, maybe I kind of over-amped. Pretty much a record time for me to get a suit on, booties, earplugs… and only two guys out. Guys I didn’t know. Three surfers, three wave sets; shouldn’t be a problem.

The one surfer had just finished a ride and was lying on his very large standup paddle board. “You guys are probably exhausted from catching so many waves,” I said, paddling past him toward my lineup spot.

WAIT: Etiquette check. Perhaps I should have followed him, making sure to sit ‘outside’ of whatever position he decided to take.

THEN, scrapping around to catch waves that showed up on an outside reef, them, mostly, backed-off, regrouping on the main reef, I did, and I admit it, take off on the same wave as the other SUPer.

WAIT: Even if the guy closer to the peak, farther outside, missed a couple of waves, I probably should just let the wave go unridden rather than go for it. Probably.

THEN, because I lost one of my earplugs, and didn’t want another three days of one-ear hearing, I went in, hung out with a couple of guys who were waiting for the incoming tide; giving the two other guys free rein. So, nice.

THEN, MORE SURFING, more jockeying for position, but no more take-off-in-front-ofs by me. Three wave sets, shouldn’t be a problem. When it looked like the big surfer was going in, I did comment, “Hey, I know boating season started yesterday, but, um, do you have a license for that boat?” Joke, yes; but the board, I swear, almost filled the bed of his small-sized truck, side to side. Very wide.

THEN, with the wind coming up and the tide bottoming-out, with more folks starting to fill the parking area, Darren deciding to paddle out before it got worse, I was changing-out on the beach, next to the big guy with the big board.

WAIT: There were, in retrospect, a few things I said that I probably shouldn’t have.

AFTER the big guy, who was pretty (and rightly) proud that he’d dropped many pounds, but had gained some of the weight back, then downed another beer, I could have avoided saying he should switch to coffee.

AFTER he said he’s sticking with the custom board, and said maybe he’s kind of a pussy, I didn’t need to say I think anyone who rides an SUP under 60 years old MIGHT BE (here’s a can’t-backspace words example- I said IS) a pussy. Probably a mistake.

AFTER he said that if he see’s someone paddling past other surfers, taking off in front of other surfers, he has to say something (Pretty sure he meant me), I did say, “Hey, I only took off in front of him once.” He disagreed. Okay.

WAIT: Maybe I really shouldn’t have said that I don’t really get the whole paddling past other surfers thing. I paddle to my spot, everyone else is entitled to move. If my lineup is the one they want to use, come sit next to me, even inside me. Paddle. Move. Jockey. “Back when I started surfing, the best surfer got the most waves.”

“OH,” he said, possibly moving a bit closer to me, “Do you think you were the best surfer out there?” Out of three. This is where I said, “I always try to compete to be,” and he came back with, “You aren’t. See that guy over there?” Now dressed, talking to Clint. “He rips!”

OKAY. This is when, exactly, I thought about the last time I ever was involved in serious fisticuffs. I was about 13. Butch Standefor. I only cried because I was frustrated because, though I wasn’t hurt, he wasn’t either. SO, I lost. CLEARLY.

THEN I thought about my father. He would throw down up until he died. At 92.

SOOOOO, I walked away from the BIG GUY, he re-suiting to go for another session, his last word to me, “Aloha,” walked over to the other guy, shook his hand, introduced myself, apologized for the ONE time I took off in front of him. He was nice.

LESSON LEARNED.

No, you don’t have to believe me. But, if we’re out together, sit by me. We can discuss which wave is who’s. Aloha.

Real Surfers

Shoulder-hoppers and name-droppers

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