A Teaser on The Continuing Saga, Formerly a Mystery, and soon to be a majorly independent motion picture event, of the Paddle in the Dolphin

NOW that I’ve written it, gotten it out, I’m over it. I hold no ill will toward Raja, and hope we can hang out in the future. He does seem to have the same appreciation for the thrills, absurdities, posturing, and generally high-schoolish behavior involved in surfing anywhere. I’m calling us even. Hopefully Raja will also. PEACE, and I don’t mean that sarcastically.

This is Raja, his given name. I asked. He was born and raised and still lives in Edmonds, a city on the Seattle side of Puget Sound. I’ve seen Raja numerous times over the past several years while surfing on the Strait of Juan de Fuca. His beard keeps growing; hipsterrific.  A few months ago, in an act Raja still claims was not malicious, he found my paddle, which had been ripped from my hands while negotiating the last sixty yards of an inside tube. Now, as I have previously written, I would have bailed on the wave had it not been for the just-mentioned tube. And, hey, the paddle floats, right?


Raja in left profile. The other two angles are on file.

Oh, those are my fingers. Just can’t seem to get them out of the shots.  Now, you can make your own decisions on whether Raja is a hero for causing an (allegedly) intimidating and (by definition) notorious wave hog to have a few moments of, well, humiliation; or a punk-ass bitch who has never actually said he was in any way sorry for the non-malicious act.  The ‘punk-ass bitch’ is not malicious, Raja (and friends of Raja), and was recommended as the appropriate description by someone who had heard [my version] of the story, and preferred punk-ass bitch over [my choice] hipster dick. Yes, I know you, Raja, and all hipsters, deny your hipster-ness, and, if ‘hipster’ is in any way a pejorative term, this is also not malicious in intent.

There’s intent and there’s actual consequences. Um, yeah; sure.

I’ll get back to this. I’m working on the complete story. I am over it. I think Raja is counting on the wave of prestige for showing up, kind of, a 64 (no, I was only 63 at the time) guy without having to do it on actual waves.

Check back another time.


4 thoughts on “A Teaser on The Continuing Saga, Formerly a Mystery, and soon to be a majorly independent motion picture event, of the Paddle in the Dolphin

  1. Hi Erwin – I just wanted to send you a note about this whole thing that I thought we had pretty much hashed out when we last spoke, as it seems that you are still carrying a grudge against me. I know, you said you’re over it but I feel like if you truly bore no ill-will towards me you wouldn’t have gone on to engage in some somewhat nasty name calling. And I’m sorry to send this to you via the comments section of your blog but it’s the only way I know to contact you, as I don’t have your email addy.
    You seem to be having a hard time letting go of what was just a harmless prank. You obviously have hurt feelings about the whole thing (believe me, I can empathize – I too have had my feelings hurt a few times in my life), and still feel somewhat humiliated. I am sorry about that.
    The last thing I want to do is get involved in an internet pissing-match with you, however, there are a few points that you’ve brought up in your various posts about this that I feel the need to address. You can’t call for “Peace” in one paragraph and then go on to write about someone being a “punk-ass bitch” without expecting that someone to want to reply. As a man who constantly advocates for the “Ghetto Mentality” (your words), I’m sure you understand this. Anyway…..
    First, and perhaps most importantly, you were not “negotiating an inside tube”. I saw you on the wave, and while yes, it was a nice one, if you think that anyone is getting tubed on a 2-foot day at Twin, much less a 64 year old on a SUP, you need to check your visions of grandiosity.
    Second, the matter of the apology. While I would like to apologize to your wife, who has had to put up with your complaints about your wounded dignity for a few months now, I am in no way sorry for the prank, because it was funny. And, while i was not trying to be malicious (as I said to you a few times), I (and EVERYONE else surfing that day) did take some small satisfaction in paying you retribution for your general obnoxious-ness in the lineup. You were being loud, overly aggressive, you were dropping in on people, and, unbelievably, you HIT SOMEONE WITH YOUR PADDLE. ON PURPOSE. Many people saw you do this. Then you followed the “attack” with some inane comment like “Aaaauugghh I’m OUT OF CONTROL!” As a parent, I’ve learned that when someone won’t play nice, you have to take away their toys. So while I was in no way trying to be mean, I will not apologize. Because I’m glad I played the prank. Because it was funny. I’m sure you can appreciate this.
    Thirdly, the Hipster thing (which I’ve never denied, by the way. I do what I do and give not two shits for how people see it). I’m a 37 year old married man who moved back to his old hometown to raise a family. I spent around 15 years living on the east coast where I surfed every day and eked out a reasonable living as a musician. Now, I live (happily I might add) in the suburbs. I am a suburban family man, a creature that is (unfortunately) the antithesis of cool. So, if someone wants to label me a Hipster, I’ll gladly take it as a sign that I haven’t yet lost my edge to middle-aged complacency. You need to think of a better insult!
    Also, while I DO understand the impulse to do so, please stop complaining about hipsters!! I, for one, am bored with hearing it. Believe me, I used to do the same until I realized that I was just jealous of their nicer gear and better style. And, trust me on this, the so-called “hipster invasion” that we are experiencing in this state is nothing compared to what I saw happen in New York, where I watched my beloved Rockaway Beach transform from a surf ghetto into an ironic mustachio collective over a period of like 5 years.
    I consider us lucky up here – the (relatively, now) empty lineups and lack of cooler-than-thou attitudes are one of the main reasons I moved back to the PNW. I know, you don’t like “206-ers” showing up and surfing your favorite spots, an attitude that is kind of funny coming from a California transplant (just a playful jab – I know you’ve been living here for a long time now).
    Anyway, as I said before, I don’t want to start a poop-throwing contest with you, because, inane ranting aside (from both of us it seems), I do like you. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have perpetrated the prank to begin with. You are entertaining to talk with and I enjoy your writing and artwork. And your harmonica playing (I’ve heard you and you’re really good). While you may be somewhat hypocritical when it comes to lineup etiquette, I see you as an accomplished surfer.
    Please take this letter in the spirit it is intended – not an act of aggression but an attempt on my part to get some things off my chest. Do with this what you will – print it out and frame it, ignore it, put it on facebook, whatever…. Again, I hope you don’t feel insulted by anything I wrote, but as I previously stated, you can’t call someone a “punk-ass bitch” or “hipster dick” and not expect them to respond. Hopefully the next time we see each other we can clear the air for real. And share a few waves.

  2. A man on his knees is a sad sight. Especially an angry one on a SUP!!! Pitiful…..

    Hey Ernie or whatever yer Jesuit pilgrim name is…..chill ya old mass drama queen!

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